Project Red Hand wants to End all Wars- Al Jazeera interview.

Project Red Hand Members Jake Bridge and Cian Westmoreland speak on Al Jazeera about being veterans of conscience.

Diffused of responsibility: Focusing on Network Centric Aerial Warfare and a Call for Greater Understanding

By BAE Systems Australia http://fairchild-mil.libguides.com/Network_Centric_Warfare

When you think of a precision airstrike, what normally comes to mind?

Better yet allow me to ask a series of other questions…

Who do you think makes the decisions? How many people and processes do you think are involved in conducting these strikes? Who is ultimately responsible for the end result? What is a weapons system?

Once you begin asking yourself some of these questions, you’ll be on the right track. But if you are at this time under the impression that pilots, planes, and bombs are the answer to all of these questions, then prepare to be enlightened.

This working paper will attempt to provide you with some understanding to answer some of these questions, and will hopefully give you an insight into some potential ethical problems with the use of unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs), and perhaps even an insight into how atrocities such as the bombing of civilians without soldiers and airmen challenging the system can happen. In doing so, this paper also seeks to help further a more comprehensive dialogue toward the understanding of warfare and societies at a human level. These are my reflections as I go, and I hope that people will feel compelled to participate in the development of this project in a critical way, whether that be of my writings or in order to add to them.

Words on the diffusion of responsibility and desensitization to conflict

When I was opening up to a good friend to explain why I felt a personal responsibility for my work in Afghanistan and how it still affects me, she told me another much more relatable example of a problem that plagues our society today. H&M, a store we’ve all shopped at some point is a store that actively uses sweatshop labor for the production of its goods. She said that if she shopped there, she’d be guilty of perpetuating that system of labor. But if she didn’t and ran a campaign that stopped people from shopping there, then perhaps one of these sweatshops will close, but leave many people on the streets, or worse, it may burn down with everyone trapped inside. This she said was one of her reasons to pursue politics. We currently live in a system that is blind and desensitized to the ingredients that facilitate our way of life. Knowingly and unknowingly, we support systems of cruelty around the world with our every purchasing decision. If you ever bought a cellphone, quite likely you indirectly paid a person who actively uses slave labor. If you eat meat, you more than certainly contribute to millions of pigs, chickens, and cows living in factory-like conditions that are subject to unimaginable cruelty every year. Perhaps a person against their own interests exposed a corrupt and anti-constitutional system of spying on their own citizens. In our society, there seems to be five approaches to this.

1. Willful ignorance and/ or apathy.
2. Abolition of self responsibility by rationalizing oneself out of the decision-making process.
3. Mistrust of negative information, while blindly supporting the views of the authority figures.
4. Vocal outrage while still persisting their purchase of said product, albeit guiltily so.
5. Absolute rejection of the system, while actively looking to change it.

Guess which four pathways most people choose? What do you do when confronted with issues such as these? Well, you might ask what one person changing their habits could do to change an entire system? Maybe you try to rationalize it into a general acceptance of cruelty as a fact of life. Maybe you just ignore it. We are surrounded by interconnecting systems of injustice just asking to to be revealed, but as a civilization we are perpetually concerned with our own self comfort, and are hard pressed to look outside ourselves and relate to the cycles of suffering we help to exist globally. Our brains are wired to interact with communities of no more than 300 people. Within that group of 300, altruism is often quite prevalent. We will spend great sums of time and money to save a puppy from being euthanized for instance, while at the same time pass a homeless woman with her children on the street without batting an eye. Maybe we’ll say to ourselves, “she’s probably a scam artist”, or “someone else is supposed to help her, where is the state?”, it’s “Somebody Else’s Problem”. If enough people stand idly by, we are anti-conformist if we act. This is called the “bystander effect.” It is therefore no stretch to say that this problem persists in the military and politics as well.

In 1961, the Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram devised an experiment three months after the start of the trial of the Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann. It sought to answer the questions “ Could it be that Eichmann and his million accomplices in the Holocaust were just following orders? Could we call them all accomplices?” The results of these experiments were quite stunning. Milgram summarized the experiment in his 1974 article, “The Perils of Obedience”, writing:

“The legal and philosophic aspects of obedience are of enormous importance, but they say very little about how most people behave in concrete situations. I set up a simple experiment at Yale University to test how much pain an ordinary citizen would inflict on another person simply because he was ordered to by an experimental scientist. Stark authority was pitted against the subjects’ [participants’] strongest moral imperatives against hurting others, and, with the subjects’ [participants’] ears ringing with the screams of the victims, authority won more often than not. The extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority constitutes the chief finding of the study and the fact most urgently demanding explanation.

Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority.”

Six years later – at the height of the Vietnam War – one of the participants in the experiment sent correspondence to Milgram, explaining why he was glad to have participated despite the stress:

While I was a subject in 1964, though I believed that I was hurting someone, I was totally unaware of why I was doing so. Few people ever realize when they are acting according to their own beliefs and when they are meekly submitting to authority… To permit myself to be drafted with the understanding that I am submitting to authority’s demand to do something very wrong would make me frightened of myself… I am fully prepared to go to jail if I am not granted Conscientious Objector status. Indeed, it is the only course I could take to be faithful to what I believe. My only hope is that members of my board act equally according to their conscience…

Milgram’s experiment revealed something unwelcoming about human nature, something most people would emphatically deny. We humans are pragmatic creatures who believe themselves to be principled in times of calm, but are more often than not weak in the face of gross injustice when in the presence of authority; whether it be institutionalized or of a majority of peers.

A separate but equally important experiment was conducted by the Stanford Psychology professor Philip Zimbardo. This experiment would come to be known as the Stanford Prison Experiment. It was funded by the US Office of Naval Research and was of interest to both the US Navy and Marine Corps as an investigation into the causes of conflict between military guards and prisoners. In the experiment, twenty four students were selected to take on randomly assigned roles as prisoner and guards in a mock prison. Well beyond the expectations of Zimbardo, the guards actually became authoritarian in nature and began subjecting prisoners to psychological torture. Several prisoners passively accepted psychological abuse, and consented to the requests of guards by harassing prisoners who attempted to prevent it. Zimbardo himself, acting as the superintendent found himself conforming to his role, exhibiting sadistic tendencies as well. This ultimately cause him to terminate the experiment, as it began to spiral out of control. The conclusion to this experiment favored situational attribution to behavior. Zimbardo argued that the results of the experiment demonstrated the impressionability and obedience of people when provided with a legitimizing ideology and social and institutional support. The experiment has also been used to illustrate cognitive dissonance theory and the power of authority.

The results of both experiments are both mutually reinforcing, it shows that people conform to roles in the best way they know how, and are by and large eager to do so. What does this say about human nature and the structures which persist in our society, and how does this relate to the diffusion of responsibility

No one person in the Nazi party claimed responsibility for the millions of people killed in concentration camps. The hierarchical nature of the party allowed minor bureaucrats to say that they were just following orders, and minor supervisors to say that they only issued commands but did not actually commit the deeds. When one pilfers through archives of confessions, this might be the common arguments one would expect to find. Concentration camps and their transportation networks were designed in manner which created separation between the operators and the prisoners themselves. From cultural indoctrination, they were taught to hate the Jews and see them as lesser beings. Linguistically, Nazis developed official words that were used in common language to make genocide more palatable. A concentration camp official might write home bragging about the “units” he processed that day to his wife, while in the same paragraph telling her how proud he is of his daughter’s grades. Language being our principal means for constructing our reality, is, and has always been used to manipulate perceptions. With each label and each choice of verbiage, it will determine whether we view an action as justifiable or unacceptable, authoritative or subversive. In today’s society, politically loaded words are thrown around constantly, and people are often left unaware of their own emotional manipulation. The military institutionalized this into their vocabulary with the use of emotionally neutral words to describe often controversial topics, and acronyms to describe complex interactions in order to speed up communication and obscure information to non- military ears. It also unofficially uses slang to refer to “others” in a derogatory manner. The culture of the military is often seen from the outside and internally as an exclusive group. Below are a list of terms used, that could be said to have a hold on the US military/ public image of military’s mindset:

1. Shake and Bake : a combination barrage of White Phosphorus and explosive artillery shells. Also an American side dish of potatoes.
2. Haji: used to describe any person with a brownish skin-tone. Often it is use derogatorily. Actual meaning is someone who has made the pilgrimage to Mecca. In practice, it conflates race with the Muslim faith, and is a label used to identify and “other”. It could also conflate religion with belligerent actors.
3. Target: used to describe anything of potential military threat.
4. Potential Enemy Combatant: used most in reports or official documents to describe people who were killed who they suspect of being a combatant, but lack adequate evidence
5. Suspected Insurgent: Man of military age brought in or killed nearby, or suspected to be linked to insurgent activities.
6. KIA: Killed in action. Typically used in referring to friendly forces who are killed in combat. Acronym obscures the emotional response one would have to the word “kill”
7. Optics: The public eye (opinion)/ the perception of the man in the street. It is used to obscure text which refers to public opinion
8. Collateral Damage: Destruction of unintended infrastructure or the killing of non-combatants (ie. women and children)
9. Enemy assets: Roads, bridges, weapons, communication networks, guarded information, and soldiers/ suspected insurgents
10. Deconflicted/ Attrited/ Degraded: words that are used in place of “killed”, typically for the purpose of awards packages, EPRs, or other official military documents.
11. To Attrit: Means to blow into smithereens; sanitization of destruction
12. Fog of War: A term used to justify mistakes or atrocities committed during combat
13. Embedded Journalists: Journalists who travel with soldiers and report favorably on the US war effort
14. PBIED: Person Borne Improvised Explosive Device; meaning suicide bomber; used in order to not provoke offense
15. GWOT: Global War on Terror; refers to all operations, including clandestine operations conducted in the effort to stop terrorism
16. EIT: Enhanced Interrogation Techniques; this refers to coercive interrogation tactics such as but not limited to waterboarding and sleep deprivation
17. Black Site: locations where they are neutral non-signatory to any torture prohibition treaties. Metaphor used to make it sound more acceptable.
18. HVT: High valued target; used for people on terrorist watch lists or those who are valued for their information
19. EPW: Enemy Prisoner of War
20. Illegal Combatants: Term that replaced EPW to avoid conditions protocols in the Geneva Convention
21. Renditions: Removal of EPWs to countries where use of torture in interrogation is condoned. Used to make it sound more acceptable
22. Surge: Refers to the deployment of troops; originally called an “escalation” then changed to “augmentation”.
23. WMD: Weapons of Mass Destruction; reduced to an acronym to demote after claims of Nuclear Weapons
24. Friendly Fire: Used to describe shootings of soldiers belonging to the same side; the purpose is to avoid reality and neutralize emotions on killing people
25. CW: Chemical Weapons; acronym that sanitizes death
26. Smart Bomb: Refers to precision guided munitions (missiles); this is used to connote to the public that they are extremely accurate and are a good military option; sanitizes death
27. Cluster Bomb: these are “dumb” bombs which are released indiscriminately over a targeted area, that often don’t explode and litter populated areas; it does not represent reality
28. Daisy Cutter: a bomb called a Blu-82 which is used to flatten areas for helicopter landing and as anti-personnel/ intimidation weapon due to its large lethal radius; name used to sanitize death.

As one can see, there are clearly many ways that are used on the military and the public to suppress or drum up certain emotions. Words and phrases such as these work to create a certain lexicon of speech peculiar to the military.

Once one is put through the process of basic military training which entails the breaking down of an individual and the building up through the image of the military, s/he is taught to follow orders with extreme attention to detail, s/he is bound and made accountable to their fellow servicemen, and are thus effectively made able to perform as an individual whose actions and inactions have consequences for an entire system in a very short amount of time.

Words such as those listed above, as well as acronyms become a peculiar part of his or her vocabulary and mode of thought. The military therefore has multiple ways it can make the action of killing human beings easier and more effective.

A system of hierarchy is etched into the minds of every recruit, one that requires a soldier to answer to his officers so that they do not answer for him. It makes Non Commissioned Officers and Commissioned Officers alike responsible for the welfare and the good conduct of their troops.

Once a civilian signs his contract and swears his oath, he is no longer his own property, but that of the government of the United States of America. From then on, they have the authorization to send you where they wish, and make you do what they wish. Applying for Conscientious Objector status at this point becomes less credible, and requires one to go through a great deal of humiliation and legal work. For disobeying orders on the basis of negligence or disagreement, one is potentially subject to career ending punitive paperwork that could ruin ones chances at promotion or worse, their chances of employment as a civilian.

Concerning the diffusion of responsibility, I have outlined several contributing factors one must take into consideration as I explain how a modern air strike may be conducted. It is important to consider the human psychological elements of submission to authority, conformity to roles within different social contexts, the use of language as a program for thought in the US military, hierarchical command structures, and the repercussions for disobedience when explaining the environment this diffusion of responsibility takes place. The last linkage to make of course is how modern technology itself, as well as the specialization of roles contribute to this diffusion. To do this, I will offer my brief interpretation on the historical progression of technological causes, as well as structural causes for the diffusion of responsibility over time, in which I will eventually come to describe modern conflict.

Progression of the diffusion of responsibility

Up until the invention of gunpowder, there was primarily only one way for soldiers to kill people, and that was to do so directly with whatever weapon they had at their disposal. Be it a sword, a mace, a bow and arrow, or a trebuchet; the kill decision was in the hands of the soldiers. The soldier and his weapon was effectively a weapons system. But even then, he was trained for combat by his superiors, he had a commander to take orders from lest he risk severe punishment or death, and he had very little say over what battles he’d fight. Moreover, without people making his weapons he was ineffective, and without armor he was vulnerable. Arguably, the first example of the technical diffusion of responsibility was through weapons like the trebuchet, as it often required a team to operate. No single man was responsible, but all men were needed to ratchet the pulley back, load it, point the machine, and then release the triggering mechanism. These machines were mostly used as siege weapons and the soldiers operating them were often dual use (as in they also served as infantry), but from this point warfare evolved.

Warfare in those days was brutal, just imagine marching onto a field knowing good and well that you would most likely be killed, watching the men beside you being filled with arrows while you continue toward a storm of blood, flesh, and metal. History depicts these battles as glorious meta-events, but it rarely focused on the effects it had on the soldiers themselves. It’s true that these men must have been more hardened and/or desensitized to this kind of violence as a result of their training and societal upbringing, but these events were moments of absolute trauma, adrenaline, and fear. In such instances, desensitization to this level of violence was crucial to an army’s success, as those who were not, most likely perished.

Physical distance is also emotional distance. The advent of gunpowder made it so that human beings could kill each other more easily, without the years of training it took to create professional soldiers. Numbers rather than skill became the most effective measure for an army’s success or failure. One only needed to instill the discipline to stand there and be fired upon while having the ability to reload, fire and point his rifle. During this time, these men were constantly aware of the fact that if they did not fight, they would be lanced in the back by their officer in charge. It was therefore hopeless either way, and one was just lucky to make it out alive. Morally, the choice to kill was merely an option of choosing to live or die. But even so, PTSD  existed during such times. In the American Civil War, it was called Soldier’s Heart and was treated as the name implies, as a heart condition. War was still extremely brutal at this point too, once armies exhausted their ammunition, they were expected to charge with bayonets. Nevertheless, there was never a question of who was responsible, it was clearly officers, soldiers were just helpless pawns.

World War I saw countless new advances in diffusionary weapons systems. Tanks, landmines artillery, airplanes, and chemical weapons all made killing more simple and required less personal accountability. They were also vastly inaccurate, but absolute destruction was the objective. Rather than counting deaths in the hundreds or thousands, this war was counted by millions. Shell shock became a new term to describe those who were traumatized by the violence. Rather than standing in rows, individual soldiers regained their individual importance on the battlefield to an extent. Trench warfare introduced prolonged engagements and a new level of uncertainty, it caused men to endure siege conditions on either side on a daily basis who were not trained to do so in the least. Under these conditions, morale was difficult to enforce, and thus men were left fighting their own battles to survive. It was unclear for them why they fought, and time spent in those trenches gave way to thought, which ultimately contributed to a humanization of the individual soldier in literature and in popular culture. Conversely, while brutality was broadly existent on the receiving end, the artillerymen, the tanks, and the bombers in the aircraft normally attacked from a great distance, and were not exposed to the destruction they were inflicting.

World War II was as much a war of propaganda as it was one of new advances in weaponry. Soldiers became more valued as individuals, and the painting of the “other” was as much for soldiers as it was for entire populations. Commanders and officers could distance themselves from the battlefield with radio technology, and logistics became more structured and consistent with the advances in transportation and communications. Warfare began to take on a more systematic quality and specialization became a means of making battlefield operations more efficient. Air warfare was itself able to begin diffusing its responsibilities with the introduction of several new technologies, particularly the radio and the radar. As in all standard aircraft, bombers had a pilot and a flight engineer who acted as the copilot. There was a navigator, who navigated. But then there were radar operators who scanned the ground for targets, bombardiers that calculated trajectories and released bombs on the targets that were selected by the radar operators, wireless operators that communicated with the ground/ scanned for enemy aircraft/ jammed enemy aircraft signals, and gunners were responsible for protecting the plane while in flight. Together they were all essential for the mission to succeed, but ultimately the flightpath, the target selection, and the kill decision was restricted to those on board the aircraft. General orders were given to the crew by a commanding officer, and those on board acted under radio silence autonomously, a measure used because of poor cryptography. This weapons system was less concerned with collateral damage as it was out of the hands of control of the operators. Technology simply did not exist at the time to effectively avoid it. It was responsible for the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Nevertheless, in that time, questions of responsibility weighed on the shoulders of the crew of the Enola Gay and the Bockscar, regardless of the absence of regret for doing so as they viewed it as necessary, but were still confounded. Being a bomber at that time was one of the most dangerous jobs in aviation. Additionally, they had their country behind them. The media influence sufficiently dehumanized the enemy to the point where such measures were seen as an acceptable outcome. This isn’t to say that the enemy did not demonize themselves on their own, but it certainly acted as a powerful force in extinguishing the ethical question over such uses of force.

The American war in Vietnam was a turning point in the public eye, from being a liberator to being a policing force. Unlike the Korean war and those before it, it was viewed as entirely unnecessary and asymmetrical. The free media in the absence of a looming direct threat; once employed to inform and rally its citizens around the use of force for its own good, became a liability to the powers at be. War reporting revealed the massive abuses of American power, the same vacuums in morale as the Great War were created and exaggerated, and people were cynically killing others out of fatigue and angst. Search and Destroy missions was code for slash, kill and burn everything that stands. The dense jungles, the absence of clear military and/ or political objectives, and use of guerrilla warfare by the enemy wore down the Americans as much as the trench warfare did almost half a century prior. The jungles hid an invisible enemy, much like the inaccurate bombardment and gassing it presented a deadly force impossible to defend against. It brought back close quarters combat, the kind in which soldiers half a millennia prior where trained years for to withstand. With sheer brute force and hatred, the American military used its advanced weapons of war to annihilate and demoralize the enemy into surrender, but it didn’t work. Moral superiority was not on the American side. As in the previous wars, the revered and respected American soldiers on the ground were conscripts, they were not volunteers. They were less disciplined than today’s soldiers, and they were unsupported by their own population. They fought their fear with violence, and came home bastardized, bitter, guilt ridden and traumatized. On a similar but different token, pilots and aerial gunners on average were responsible for the greatest atrocities: dropping cluster munitions of which still remains today, agent orange which burned entire forests, and gunning down entire villages of civilians. Yet in the midst of all this, they felt the least amount of connection to their actions. One reason for this was their command structure. Rather than all airstrikes being ordered by a single commander, requests for airstrikes originated with the 2nd Air Division and Task Force 77 in Vietnam and then proceeded to CINCPAC, who in turn reported to his superiors, the Joint Chiefs, at the Pentagon. After input from the State Department and the CIA, the requests then proceeded to the White House, where the President and his “Tuesday Cabinet” made decisions on the strike requests on a weekly basis. In addition to this complex command structure which diffused the decision-making process, precision guided munitions were newly introduced into common use, and required it’s own technical crew behind it. Targets were painted with white phosphorous smoke by Forward Air Controllers in small prop driven planes. Then bombers were radioed over to the general coordinates and they dropped their payload of whatever bomb was available.

When I went to Afghanistan in 2009, in simple words, my squadron set up the system which offered Battlefield Command and Control. We connected the soldiers on the ground to the battlefield commander, and the planes which were to deliver their payloads.

In less simple words, that I am aware of, our system maintained 250 +/- nautical miles  of persistent data, radar, and radio transmissions between radar operators, battlespace managers,  Tactical Air Control Parties, Joint Tactical Air Controllers, UAVs, satellites, imagery analysts, pilots (both UAV and manned), sensor operators, troops in contact, the Battlefield Airborne Communications Node, the Air Support Operations Center, and various individuals located at the Combined Air Operations Center in Al Udeid.

As this was happening, I would often sit inside the Radio Control Unit and imagine the airstrikes as they were being conducted while I’d perform diagnostics on all of the equipment. It was difficult for me to fathom how instrumental the radios I put there and programmed were to the entire war effort in Afghanistan.  With addition to airstrikes, they enable reconnaissance, airlifting cargo and supplies, and medical emergency transport. On the one hand, I knew that this mission enabled new capabilities which morphed the way warfare would be conducted in the future, hopefully improving the safety of troops. It was a movement into the realms of Network Centric Warfare. But within this realization, I also realized that we offered a key instrument for UAVs to conduct their missions. I questioned where responsibility lay in such a new form of warfare. Was it with the battlespace commander? Was it the pilot? Was it the intelligence analyst choosing targets based on reconnaissance imagery? Was it the JTAC talking to the plane, or the TACP coordinating with the ASOC? Am I  responsible for building the network to facilitate all of this as was Oppenheimer for building his H-bomb?

Here I stood, only 21 years of age after my NCOIC called us over to our equipment to congratulate us on a job well done and to tell us we were killing bad guys now. Trying to maintain my composure in front of everyone else, it dawned on me what my place was in this war. War being something I never truly felt an affinity for, I always believed that we are what we are, based on what we do. Something within me rose, and I experienced a moment terror for what I had just participated in. If we are what we do, then what did that make me? My ambition to leave the military without harming anyone left out the window with my innocence. I sat in that RCU often, torturing myself with my own imagination as I pictured strike after strike. I wondered who it was at the receiving end. Was it Taliban, an angry father whose home was bombed killing his whole family, or was there a child there?

For a month until I left, a sense of dread lay for what my Enlisted Performance Report would say. Ultimately the day arrived after a month or so of being home, the work this system my unit built supported 2,400 Close Air Support Missions and 200+ enemy kills.  That night, by way of the internet I cross referenced this report with the report by the UN’s Annual Report on the Protection of Civilians in Armed Conflict. I waited until early 2010 to see what it said:

“UNAMA HR recorded 359 civilians killed due to aerial attacks, which constitutes 61% of the number of civilian deaths attributed to pro-Government forces. This is 15% of the total number of civilians killed in the armed conflict during 2009.” page 17.

It was all that mattered for me… My nightmares began in Afghanistan, where we had experienced rocket attacks almost nightly, with the threat of a ground attack which ultimately resulted in a suicide bombing weeks later, and with knowledge of a mortar landing close to me. I’d wake up throughout the night, sometimes rolling onto the floor with the assumption that we were under attack. But after this system went online, these nightmares morphed into ones where I was standing in a village being bombed with full knowledge of my role in it, while I’d desperately try to help save people. Upon returning home I’d wake up with nightmares of a child standing next to an ash covered body looking at me as if I had done it. I’d reach down and frantically try to revive the corpse to no avail, and the child would just continue to stare at me as if all hope had left her body. Sometimes I would dream of the reverse happening, a mother and father with a dead baby in the mother’s arms, screaming in grief.

I never needed to see the horrors of war, my imagination already haunts me. I feel the weight of my responsibility for my actions there, even if the majority of my peers don’t seem to. This weight continues to grow with each passing day, as the death toll rises. I can’t help that. Knowing what I know, I can’t in good conscience keep pretending everything is ok.

At my going away party, a joke about burning my uniform turned into an action which left a few former colleagues feeling uneasy. Ruining my boss’s grill was a regrettable way to try to separate myself from my experience, but it didn’t seem to work. Temporarily it did, on my post Air Force travels, until my trip lead me to the Republic of Georgia to a town called Gori, a place I visited as a tween while my father worked in Armenia as a US Defense Attache. Two years prior to my revisiting in 2010, the Russians bombed the town killing over 60 people. I suffered a near nervous breakdown in front of a bombed out apartment building and bawled my eyes out in the square next to the Stalin museum. From that moment, I’d say I was lost, trying to find my way toward redemption. I needed to connect with something that would give me back a purpose, so for a time I was determined to return to Afghanistan and apologize to anyone that would hear me. But I was stopped by a Russian Afghan war vet I met in Kazakhstan who assured me that my answer was not there. He himself tried to go back to reconcile with his actions, and he showed me his gunshot scar to prove it. So I decided to heed his advice and go to school, studying International Relations instead. Of course, when you feel like you have blood on your hands and bare a tremendous sense of guilt for that blood, the subject matter of international relations has an easy way of whittling you away. Till last summer, I didn’t know how to deal with my past. I broke down as my life seemed to be falling apart, but as a result I have managed to regain composure and come out of it. Hopefully, in a more useful capacity.

Being the person I am, I was never afforded the luxury of being content with causing pain to others. I yearned for a way to channel my experience into something beneficial for humanity. It’s incredibly difficult not to dwell on it now, as I view my own life in the context of a deficit I owe to those people who’s lives I helped ruin. As this deficit builds, so too does my motivation to do something positive. Honestly, so does my guilt sometimes, but I’m working on that. Terminating myself isn’t the answer, and I’m not supporting that mindset. I’m simply calling for awareness, dialogue and a new way of thinking.

Network Centric Warfare and Full Spectrum Dominance

Network Centric Warfare (NCW) is a military doctrine and a theory of war that was conceived in the 1990’s. It was first mentioned in a paper called “Copernicus: C4ISR for the 21st Century” in describing the US Navy’s approach to the information age.

A commander’s greatest challenge is to maintain situational awareness on the ground on the location of his own forces. There are various systems that were developed to support this technologically, among them being the Global Positioning System (GPS). GPS effectively allows combat troops on the ground to locate themselves on the battlefield, but does not create an automated/ integrated system for reporting that information.

To build a theoretical model for how this works in practice, I will use the example of a Marine Air to Ground Task Force (MAGTF). In order to progress, there are two assumptions one must make. First, the Marines on the ground as well as the attack aircraft know their own location with GPS. Second, they possess communications platforms to transmit this data. By automating this process, the MAGTF now has the ability to know the location of every Marine, as it is provided a database that can be manipulated and analyzed either locally or remotely.

The next stage is to provide this data to every weapons system that provides automated firing solutions ie. artillery, naval gunfire, aircraft. These weapons system can now avoid “friendly fire” by using the positional information made available to them across this network platform. Going one step further, it will provide all units with target identification and designation by automatically feeding this information into this network. By doing this, it provides both air and ground based automated weapons systems the ability to conduct a battle in real time, while avoiding friendlies on the ground and to hit their designated targets with near-pinpoint accuracy. With the information provided in this network, the Direct Air Support Center (DACS) can assist in coordinating Close Air Support (CAS) by making the network aware of all available aircraft and armament in the area. By connecting other systems, this network can be provided with an infinite platform for information.

Once the ground, air and naval fire support elements, the ground units, and the coordination agencies have been integrated into the network, this system is now able to coordinate and provide fire support at the speed of a radio signal. By giving all of this information to every weapons platform, the network, with sufficient computing power can identify every element. The network can therefore compute the most effective firing solution, and either a human or the network itself will be able to select the appropriate system.

Future, if not already existent uses of this network centric approach are exponentially numerous if applied to every sector of the Department of Defense. Planners envisage real time coordination with medical systems, medical diagnostic feedback with individual soldiers, and real time status updates on ammo usage, thus allowing for the network to provide instantaneous resupply of ammo or arrangement of medical evacuation (MEDVAC).

NCW is the coming together of three elements: the sensor plane, the shooter grid, and the information grid. It is our current state, and it is the future of warfare. This system is integral to the US military’s other objective of Full Spectrum Dominance (FSD). FSD is a doctrine which one might consider, the practical implementation of George Bush’s declaration of global American hegemony in the lead up to the Iraq War in 2003. FSD is essentially the vision of total dominance in naval (surface and submarine), air, space, ground, electronic, and informational warfare. Whether or not this can be achieved is a valuable question to ask. With ubiquitous collection of information across every platform interconnected by a thinking network, it’s clear that the United States has the distinct advantage. But the United States is not the only power with the ability to create such a system. It also does not consider the asymmetrical tactics which will be developed and employed to combat it. Nevertheless, this network is instrumental in the further employment of UAVs and other automated weapons platforms and encourages further diffusion of individual responsibility for killing. At this point I find my greatest disconnect with how modern warfare is conducted.

The foretold advantages of NCW is that it will ultimately help prevent friendly fire and will improve battlefield logistics. But the potential repercussions of this system is that decisionmaking is taken up and diffused by the network itself, thus eliminating what should be the difficult decision to use deadly force. Already within the US military, soldiers are psychologically pre-conditioned by traditional hierarchy, social roles, specialization, fear of disobeying or lack thereof for exceeding expectation, social acceptance, and linguistic manipulation to be less sympathetic toward the use of structured violence. Through the use of UAV technology, pilots are no longer even put into harm’s way. With the prevalence of military video games utilizing methods of killing such as Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 that are identical to images one would see in their combat missions, it is easy to understand where several disconnects with reality might lie. By diffusing the process further, and/or pushing toward further autonomy with weapons system as seen with the US Navy’s newest addition the X-47B, how can ethics or the Geneva Convention for that matter be upheld? Assuming there ever is a day when culturally acceptable, who will be held responsible for war crimes committed?

A modern air strike works as follows, although these scenarios are fictional and may include some inaccuracies. This is more to illustrate the complexity of aerial operations than to provide operational details.

Location: 40 km north-west outside Gereshk, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Situation: 12 man Army reconnaissance team are ambushed by what appears to be at least 30 anti-coalition militants from the side of a mountain sitting directly at their 2 o’clock position. They are sustaining heavy gunfire and artillery bombardment.

Airstrike type: Dynamic Targeting ( Time sensitive), friendlies in the area

Scenario 1:

Team Without Forward Air Controller:

1. Soldier switches his Land Mobile Radio to a special frequency, calling for artillery bombardment and air support.
2. Signal is intercepted by Battlefield Airborne Communications Node, it is transmitted to the 73 EACS where it is interlinked with radar and data and sent to the Battlefield Command and Control Center Al Udeid, it is also relayed to the Air Support Operations Center (ASOC) for authorization.
3. The signal is also intercepted by a nearby Fire Support Officer who controls artillery stands by for coordinates and authorization
4. GPS coordinates are instantly made available to the network, and the soldier approximates the distance and direction of where the fire is coming from in relation to his location.
5. Through BACN and the 73 EACS platform, the operators in Al Udeid and Kandahar coordinate to send the closest available attack aircraft in the area.
6. The selected aircraft diverts its flight path and goes enroute to the location, then first does a flyover.
7. Sensors and video footage are fed into the network and targets are selected by operators
8. Coordinates are shared with the Fire Support Coordinator (FSCOORD) who coordinates with the Corps Artillery (Corps ARTY), Division Artillery (DIV ARTY), and the Field Artillery (FA BN) units to
9. This data is at the same time sent from the Air Support Operations Center ( ASOC ) to the Combined Air and Space Operations Center (CAOC in Al Udeid) for approval by the JFACC
10. Approval is granted.
11. The pilot loops around and does a second flyover, this time he presses the button releasing the munitions.
12. The FSCOORD then provides authorization to commence with artillery bombardment of the area
13. Another flyby is done to assessing the damage, and to ensure that all militants have been killed.

Scenario 2:

Team with Forward Air Controller:

1. Forward Air Controller (JTAC) or TACP gets on PRC-117 ( a combat net radio enabled for satellite communication and dual command and control) and sends a request for Close Air Support (CAS) to the Air Support Operations Center.
2. The radio itself is interoperable with all flight radios, thus all pilots in the area are alerted to this.
3. BACN also intercepts this signal, then relays it to all ground commanding officers in the area
4. The TACP in the meantime sets up a data link with the satellite and prepares the sensors for operation.
5. The network already picks up their GPS coordinates, so all weapons systems are instantly alerted to this.
6. The TACP then directed the sensor at the intended targets, and this data is uploaded onto the network.
7. This information is analyzed by intelligence officers, and targets are selected.
8. In the meantime, the TACP keeps the sensor on the targets and updates the network to their movements.
9. The ASOC reports the situation directly to the CAOC, then it is approved by the JFACC, if s/he is not present it goes to next in charge.
10. An aircraft is designated by the air control operators in the CAOC, then it is diverted to the location.
11. The TACP or JTAC is linked to the pilot and to the ASOC, and the TACP guides the pilot on the best method of approach.
12. The missiles are already pre-programmed on the targets to attack, intelligence officers watch the live video feed coming from aircraft, listen to the TACP, and match that information with his sensor data.
13. As the pilot makes his approach, he deploys the guided missiles and they hit the preselected targets
14. The TACP reports on the damage, then the pilot makes another pass to provide an overview for assessment of the intelligence officers, and to scan for further threats
15. If successful and all human targets are killed, the team of soldiers will then visit the site of the air strike and visually inspect the casualties.

Location: 70 km north-west of Wana, Pakistan, 20 km before the Afghan-Pakistani border

Situation: MQ-1B Predator armed reconnaissance drone spots 120 heavily armed men moving southeast on foot heading toward the border of Pakistan presumably to Wana. Based on recent intelligence in the area, these men are suspected to have been responsible for recent attacks on coalition troops.

Airstrike type: Unmanned Air Interdiction Mission, Dynamic Targeting ( Time sensitive)

1. Drone spots a cluster of moving targets travelling in a single direction toward Pakistani border.
2. Drone pilot begins to circle overhead fixing its sensors on the suspected militants
3. The sensor identifies 120 men armed with AK-47s, 20 of which also carry RPG-7 Rocket Launchers.
4. This information is sent directly in real-time to the satellite which is being used for flight and redirected down to the satellite receiver-transmitter at the 73rd EACS in Kandahar Air Field and Al Udeid Air Base in Qatar.
5. The signal is diverted in real time to the CAOC and the Intelligence Officer/ Imagery Analyst who identifies and confirms that the selected targets are in fact anti-coalition forces by zooming in and visually inspecting them.
6. Across the network, he also verifies that these men are not friendly militias by requesting verification from ground commanders.
7. Once this is confirmed, a request for an airstrike is given, then it is rapidly authorized by the commander due to the time sensitive nature of the event. ( If the militants are allowed to cross the border, then the military commander will technically have to request entry from the Pakistani Government, which by the time it goes through, it will be too late.)
8. Due to the drone’s limited supply of firepower, an A-10 is also called in for backup support instead of the drone using its two Hellfire missiles, which would be too little firepower to kill every militant, and would risk some escaping.
9. The Predator continues to circle maintaining visuals on the cluster of militants at all times.
10. This information is shared with the ASOC, who then directs the A-10 pilot on his initial approach.
11. On the first approach, the pilot releases 5 of its 10 Maverick Air to Surface missiles to pinpoint locations on the row of militants to cause maximum casualties.
12. In the meantime the drone continues to circle in order to give Intelligence and the Commander a situational overview. Its heat and motion sensors detect that all but 10 of the men were killed.
13. The A-10 is then directed to make a second approach in which it employs its 30mm cannon to kill the remaining men.
14. Once complete, a ground based assessment team is called into the location to inspect the bodies.

Location: Sangin, Helmand Province, Afghanistan

Situation: Local intelligence sources state that a High Value Target (HVT) who is major drug trafficker working with the Taliban is currently held up in a large house near the outskirts of Sangin. He controls a violent local militia who are positioned within the house and the surrounding neighborhood, making it too hazardous to send in troops. In addition, the drug kingpin is expected to have an significant arms and ammo cache in his home, making the home itself strategically important to anti-coalition activity in the region.

Airstrike type: Manned Air Interdiction Mission, Preplanned

1. A surveillance drone is sent to the area in order to provide a persistent situational overview for planners to assess their intended target.
2. The planning team builds up a list of targets based on the local intelligence given and uses the imagery to assess the potential for collateral damage ie. infrastructure and civilians that might be harmed unintentionally.
3. This information is then used to designate aim points for the aircraft.
4. The risk for high levels of civilian casualties is low, but it is expected that there will be some. Therefore it must be pre-approved by a higher ranking commander.
5. Another a weapons planning team reviews the targets, and determines the best weapons to be used and the amount. It also determines the amount of aircraft needed, as well as the number of sorties needed for the mission.
6. Next, this goes to a team that develops a Master Attack Plan.
7. This plan then goes for approval to the commander who then weighs the military necessity of destroying this compound against the potential for civilian casualties and a fallout with the local population. With a ground based attack of the compound being ruled out due to the potential for suffering heavy loss, the commander considers the large scale anti-coalition presence in the area and the coming opium harvest in May. He determines that out of strategic necessity, the compound had to be destroyed, and the kingpin had to be killed with it, for the impact it would have on Taliban/ anti-coalition operations.
8. This operation is then scheduled to take place the following morning
9. In this case, it was determined that only two bombs would be used and only one aircraft/ sortie would be needed to collapse the building.
10. The weapons are loaded onto the aircraft, and it sets off toward its intended drop zone
11. Communications between the aircraft and the CAOC is managed via the satellite link between Qatar and Afghanistan via the 73 EACS. Operators manage air traffic in the area directing and tracking the movement of the aircraft to the bombing target. Information is shared with the ASOC.
12. As the plane flies over, the bombs are dropped on the target’s compound, which results in a much larger explosion than was originally anticipated. The resulting blast effectively flattens every home within a 150 meter radius.
13. Radio chatter between the CAOC, the pilot, and ASOC increase significantly as they try to discover what happened.
14. The surveillance drone flying overhead detects people on the ground frantically running around trying to save people who survived the blast.
15. The pilot inquires whether or not another pass would be necessary, to which the commander replies that he should get back to base.
16. The next day, the mayor of the town contacts the governor of the region claiming that the strike resulted in over 50 civilian casualties
17. The commander of the operation is alerted to this, then apologizes to the mayor and the governor and arranges for reparations in the form of payment.
18. The area is still considered too hostile to assess what happened, but the commander suspected that the home was a decoy filled with explosives.
19. In the official report, due to the inability for the military to send in a damage assessment team to gain first-hand evidence, it is stated that 50 potential enemy combatants were attrited (killed)

Expeditionary Air Control Squadron (CRC/CRE): EACS

• Detection, identification, and classification of all aircraft and missiles within the area of responsibility.
• Track management of each aircraft, missile, and ship.
• Data transmission, reception, and forwarding with other agencies
• Evaluation of the threat potential of enemy aircraft and missiles, and the selection and assignment of weapons to engage hostile threats
• Engagement control of friendly interceptor aircraft and surface-to-air missiles against enemy threats
• Control of airspace and air traffic within the area of responsibility
• Integration with BACN

Battlefield Air Communications Node: BACN:

The purpose of this system is to extend the radar, data, and radio coverage to remote areas that are inaccessible to ground based systems such as those which are operated and maintained by the 73rd Expeditionary Air Control Squadron. One issue with radios, is that different platforms use different interfaces, and often come into compatibility conflicts. BACN acts as an untethered platform which provides a cross systems interface that allows all weapons systems to communicate. Information that is transferred through a BACN system is then sent and received directly to through the 73rd EACS infrastructure, and is integrated with long-haul communication between Afghanistan and Qatar via satellite. In addition, it offers “knowledge based intelligence” which automatically senses different waveforms characteristics of different senders and receiver, and routes traffic to the appropriate locations. Traditionally, the BACN system was mounted into Bombardier Global Express Aircraft and operated by private contractors from Northrop Grumman (top right/bottom). However, more recently BACN systems are being mounted into EQ-B4 Global Hawk UAVs (top left). While already automated in terms of purpose, this will eliminate the need for pilots and standby operators. Global Hawks are able to fly at higher altitudes able to stay in flight 24/7. Eventually BACN UAVs will be autonomously flown, eliminating the need for operators altogether.

Combined Air and Space Operations Center: CAOC:

The (C)AOC is the senior Tactical Air Control System’s (TACS) agency responsible for the centralized control and decentralized execution of airpower in support of the Joint Force Commander. It acts as the “nerve center” for aerial missions for Operation Enduring Freedom and Combined Joint Task Force-Horn of Africa. It provides real-time air command and control over Afghanistan for thousands of sorties daily. It was linked with Afghanistan in 2009 by the 73rd EACS who built the necessary infrastructure in both Kandahar and Al Udeid Air Base.

Air Support Operations Center

ASOC:

The Air Support Operations Center (ASOC) is an element of the Ground Theater Air Control System (GTACS) which coordinated with the senior Army maneuver unit in theater and is directly subordinate to the Combined Air Operations Center. Organizationally, ASOCs are Air Support Operations Squadrons organized and equipped as an ASOC.

ASOCs are commanded by an Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, it manages allotted air resources and executes missions supporting its aligned Army units. TACPs assigned to an ASOC fill the role of receiving air support requests from forward deployed JTACs. Once an air support request is received, the air support request is either approved or disapproved by the ground commander’s land component chain of command. The following outlines the Air Support Requesting procedures for each decision:

Approved (urgent):  Immediate requests to support urgent, troops-in-contact situations may result in strike aircraft being sent by the ASOC to the JTACs location for terminal control of immediate close air support.

Approved (non-urgent): Air support requests submitted after the cut-off time for inclusion on the next Air Tasking Order (ATO), or 24 hour sortie cycle managed by the JFACC, will become scheduled missions on the subsequent ATO.

Disapproved: The disapproved request should be sent back to the requesting unit with reasons for disapproval. It is important to understand that approval and disapproval authority of air support requests is the responsibility of the Army / Land Component being supported.

UAV Sensors:

http://www.globalsecurity.org/intell/systems/gorgon-stare.htm

In 2004, the U.S. drone fleet produced 71 hours of video surveillance for analysis. By 2011, that figure was 300,000 hours annually, and today in 2015 it is in the millions. Cameras such as the Gorgon Stare produce so much footage no human could possibly review it all. This has pushed the US military toward programming and using visual intelligence software to review it. Technology exists today with the basic ability to recognize and reason about activity in full motion video. Currently, it is “known” that UAVs can sense movement, heat signatures, gunfire on the ground, and mark it for analysis. The next step is technology like the “Mind’s Eye” (DARPA), which will not only be able to identify and mark potential target, but it will be able to interpret their actions, and alert operators to suspicious activity. The creator once said that targets themselves are the “nouns” on the battlefield, this system seeks to identify the “verbs”. The latest information states that there are currently 48-60 verbs that the system can identify. The following are the tasks this system is programmed to perform.

• Recognition: VI systems will be expected to judge whether one or more verbs is present or absent in a given video
• Description: VI systems will be expected to produce one or more sentences describing a short video suitable for human-machine communication
• Gap-filling: VI systems will be expected to resolve spatiotemporal gaps in video, predict what will happen next, or suggest what might have come before
• Anomaly detection: VI systems will be expected to learn what is normal in longer-duration video, and detect anomalous events.

As a result of the sheer volume of surveillance data currently being processed with sensors such as the Gorgon Stare, it is anticipated that programmes like the Mind’s Eye will be choosing targets for operators themselves. Now I want you to dwell on this thought for a minute…

Back to the Questions:

With everything that I previously mentioned, I want you to ask yourself the same questions I put forth at the beginning of this article.

• Who do you think makes the decisions?
  • Commanders?
  • Intelligence Officers?
  • The TACP/JTAC on the ground?
  • The soldier requesting air support?
  • The pilot that drops the bombs?
  • The team that assembled the bomb and instilled the firing mechanism?
  • The network itself?
  • All of the above?
• How many people and processes do you think are involved in conducting these strikes?
• Who is ultimately responsible for the end result?
  • The soldier who requests the airstrike?
  • The commander who provides authorization for the airstrike?
  • The pilot who pushed the button that dropped the bombs?
  • The intelligence officer that reviewed the footage and marked the targets?
  • The people who built and maintained the infrastructure for the network that made any of this even possible?
  • Nobody entirely?
  • All of the five listed above?
• What is a weapons system?
  • Is it the vehicle?
  • Is it person commanding the vehicle?
  • Is it the person who selects the targets?
  • Is the sensors that mark targets?
  • Is it the bombs, or is that merely ammunition?
  • Is it all of the above and the network itself?

Then I want you to ask yourself a few more questions…

• Who will be responsible for making kill decisions in the future?
  • The Secretary of Defense?
  • The President?
  • Will it be commanders?
  • Will it be soldiers on the ground?
  • Will it be intelligence officers that review decisions that computer programs have made?
  • Or will autonomous weapons system be trusted to the point in which they will be authorized for making the final kill decision?
• Who will feel responsible for fatalities?
  • Everyone entirely?
  • Everyone somewhat?
  • Knowledge of roles, but void of feeling of responsibility?
  • Nobody?
• What effect does diffusion of responsibility have on warfare?
• How will network centric warfare, and lethal autonomy affect the future of warfare?
• What affect will this movement have on political decisionmaking?
  • How will it affect their decision to use military assets?
  • How will the structural use of deadly force be perceived by the public?
  • Who will be making the decisions? Private enterprise or Public institutions?

These are just some of the questions that confound me when thinking of what my role actually was in Afghanistan…

Conclusion?

Modern warfare will be described in books as intrastate and asymmetrical, and most assuredly, much will be said about the actual revolutions in the weapons themselves. But what will likely go unnoticed is what the violence actually means to individuals within these modern militaries in relation to the roles they played. Popular culture will continue to focus on the machines of war and less on the networks that structure and support it. The diffusion of responsibility is the nature of modern warfare. This begins with impressionable people who are taught obedience to authority and are provided a legitimizing ideology with social and institutional support. It is further enhanced by linguistic manipulation by the institution to neutralize emotional words, obfuscate processes with acronyms, and rouse feelings that would contribute to desirable outcomes. Furthermore, enlisted servicemen are then taught to respect hierarchies which put command responsibility in the hands of officers. Then the responsibility of the welfare and behavior of the subordinates are put in the hands of the officers. Most of all, the system of punishment for disobedience has evolved from corporal means to administrative means, potentially extending the repercussions over lifetimes, enhanced by social exile. If combined with weapons systems that are coordinated over large distances and require a network of highly specialized operators, sensors, and machine programming just to function properly, then how connected can any “involved” individual be to the use of deadly force on the the ground?

I wrote this paper to hopefully open your eyes to some of the realities of war today. If you hadn’t thought deeply about the things that I mentioned already, then it was the objective of my paper to get you to do so. It has been nearly ten years since I signed the contract binding me to the US military. I was property of the US government until April 18th, 2014. The issues I have discussed affect me greatly. It was my intention to share with you why. It is human curiosity to inquire with those who have participated in war if they have ever killed anybody. If one says no, then the interest often fades. If one says yes, then the inquisitor will often be satisfied with nothing less than a story of horrific conditions, gunfire and explosions. The truth is that many people who said no, may be as equally instrumental in an airstrike as the person that dropped the bomb, we were just too far removed from our actions to feel our part in it. I was a technician, and without what I did, the concept of Network Centric Warfare would still be a concept.

The Ground Theater Air Control System is complicated structure of machines, signals, and humans that span in coverage across the Middle East and Central Asia, but by offering a platform that allows it to operate I would argue that it can and should be considered a weapons system in itself. All parties involved in it are responsible for everything it does. To say otherwise would mean that nobody is responsible, and that the act of killing people in an airstrike is devoid of moral reflection. This is not a world I am willing to live in, and for this reason I refuse to avert my attention from my role in this machine of death and ruined lives. Many would point to the lives this system has saved. Yet I do not view this as any redemption, but rather question the system that made their lives need saving.  For every civilian killed, for every man driven to violence as the result of his loved one’s death, for every life it has ruined I understand my place in it. To refuse a system where men and women are diffused of feeling responsibility for the horrors they are complicit with, is to recognize one’s role in this system and to extract oneself from it. The negative emotions which come with it in the beginning overwhelm the senses, fatigue will set in, one will find himself passing through the stages of grief, but in time one begins to understand that guilt has its purpose, through it one becomes more human. From facing it and not suppressing it, we grow as individuals and societies…

The airstrike as I see it, is a metaphor for how our globalized society functions, as we are all facilitators within a great network of injustices around the world. The ethical faults of the United States military are not our own, but they are based on roles we play in social constructs that are sculpted by many processes that reduce our capacities to feel empathy and act accordingly. Similar systems exist all around us and it is our duty to identify them. For this reason, we must all come to terms with who we are in relation to what we do and are complicit with, then sever ourselves from the unseen evils in how we live. Only then can we become more human, and only then can we hope to have a better future than our past.

Welcome to Project Red Hand

Project Red Hand is a growing group of veterans and concerned citizens working together to increase transparency, awareness, and foster understanding on all issues ranging from the ‘War on Terror’ , open access to the Internet, and the future of the next generation. Combining knowledge, witnessed accounts, and reaching out to those specialized in separate fields, we hope to foster civic engagement and increase the public discourse.

Articles by Author:

Brandon Bryant – Founder – US Air Force veteran and former drone operator – @backavar

Cian Westmoreland – Nomad – US Air Force veteran who helped build on all communications systems – @CianMW

Michelle Segal – Kraken – International law and human rights radical, civilian activist and writer – @mhsegal

Space Man – Marine Corp Officer applying for Conscientious Objector Status

The Doctor – Concerned active member of the Armed Forces

We are still new and growing. Crafting campaigns and building as we go, so make sure to check back. Any ideas, concerns, or collaborative notions? Don’t hesitate to contact us.

2+2=4 Why Chelsea Manning Should Be Free

by Debra Van Poolen: http://www.chelseamanning.org/featured/courtroom-art-auction-to-raise-funds-for-bradleys-defense

Today is Chelsea Manning’s birthday, and on this day people from across the world are sending her well wishes. From celebrities, to NGO’s, to countless social media posts across the world, the international community is honoring her sacrifice and in a way, mourning the injustice of her trial.

How serendipitous that the redacted Torture Report was released just last week. Roughly three years ago, Wikileaks released the Iraq War Logs thanks to Chelsea. We knew then, not now, that the United States facilitated, trained, and outsourced torture. From the Chelsea Manning Support Network:

There is an official policy to ignore torture in Iraq.

The “Iraq War Logs” published by WikiLeaks revealed that thousands of reports of prisoner abuse and torture had been filed against the Iraqi Security Forces. Medical evidence detailed how prisoners had been whipped with heavy cables across the feet, hung from ceiling hooks, suffered holes being bored into their legs with electric drills, urinated upon, and sexually assaulted. These logs also revealed the existence of “Frago 242,” an order implemented in 2004 not to investigate allegations of abuse against the Iraqi government. This order is a direct violation of the UN Convention Against Torture, which was ratified by the United States in 1994. The Convention prohibits the Armed Forces from transferring a detainee to other countries “where there are substantial grounds for believing that he would be in danger of being subjected to torture.” According to the State Department’s own reports, the U.S. government was already aware that the Iraqi Security Forces engaged in torture (1).

The Chelsea Manning Support Network summarizes quite well what was brought to light due to her act of conscience. From Chelsea we also learned:

• The American defence contracting firm Dyncorp in Afghanistan were complicit in child trafficking activities in Afghanistan.
• The American detention camp at Guantanamo Bay held mostly innocent and low-level operatives.
• Both the Bush and Obama administration had lied in saying that there was no official civilian casualty count in Iraq from American military activities, there was in fact an official government tally from 2004 to 2009 that reached 109,000 people, 66,081 being civilian.
• The State Department backed opposition to a Haitian minimum wage law, where the factories of Nike and Nautica make mass profits off cheap labor and induced poverty.
• Although the United States had publicly shown unwavering public support for the oppressive President Ben Ali in Tunisia, leaked cables showed that they would not in fact support the regime in the event of a popular uprising.
• Egyptian tortures under the autocratic Mubarak regime were directly trained by the FBI.
• A secret document signed by Secretary of State Hilary Clinton authorized US diplomats to collect DNA samples from top UN officials as well as UN representatives from other nations. They were also ordered to collect credit card and secure passwords, in obvious direct violation of UN Conventions.
• The Atomic Energy Agency warned both Japanese and American government officials about the seismic threat at Fukushima
• The Obama Administration allowed Yemen’s President Saleh to cover up the secret drone bombing campaign, as a cable revealed that the Saleh would “continue saying the bombs are ours, not yours.”

And of course, the most famous reveal was the leaked Apache helicopter video:

U.S. Military officials withheld information about the indiscriminate killing of Reuters journalists and innocent Iraqi civilians.

The “Collateral Murder” video released by Wikileaks depicted the indiscriminate slaying of over a dozen people in the Iraqi suburb of New Baghdad, including two journalists working for Reuters. The Reuters news organization has repeatedly been denied in its attempts to obtain the video through the Freedom of Information Act. The video, shot from an Apache helicopter gun-sight, clearly shows the unprovoked slaying of a wounded Reuters photographer and his rescuers. Two young children who were present in the attempted rescue were also seriously wounded. Ethan McCord, a U.S. army soldier who can be seen in the video carrying wounded children to safety, has said that whoever revealed this video is a “hero.”

Every. single. one. of these are significant revelations. Just like letting the American public know that they we’re being secretly spied upon like the leaks of Edward Snowden, these revelations allowed the public to understand what is being done in their name. Later expanded upon, it is important to note that there was never any proof publicly provided whatsoever of damage done by these revelations or any other provided by Chelsea. With the current reputation of military officials (the lies revealed by the torture report, former Press Secretary Robert Gibbs’ first order being told to treat the drone program ‘as if it didn’t exist’, to name only a few) it is simply not enough to allude to damage or state that it was revealed behind closed doors. These leaks did lead to private defence contractor resistance movements in Afghanistan, continuing public attention on Guantanamo Bay, shifting American and Iraqi public opinion on US intervention, and the overthrow of Ben Al in Tunisia. The lies and war crimes facilitated by both the Bush and the Obama administration have yet to be held to account.

In understanding Chelsea’s detainment and trial, one has to consider the work of Alexa O’brien, a journalist who was in the court every day of her trial live-tweeting and reporting to the public. The same newspapers and media outlets that profited greatly off Chelsea’s disclosures largely ignored the proceedings until the verdict was announced. Recently Alexa O’brien spoke at the Catalunya Parliament on the 12th of December about Chelsea’s disclosures, detainment, and trial. Considering the length of this article, I debated whether or not to transcribe this speech in full, but I find the summary so on point that it needs to be written down:

Alexa O’brien speaking at the Catalunya Parliament 12th December 2014

“ Good day to everyone, it’s an honor to be here. 

After Wikileaks published the Iraq War Logs which Chelsea Manning had disclosed, Amnesty International and the United Nation’s Special Rapporteur on Torture urged the US President Barack Obama to order an investigation into the complicity of US forces in handing detainees over to the Iraqi security forces in Iraq, who then tortured them. It was reported that US authorities failed to investigate hundreds of reports of abuse, torture, rape, and even murder by Iraqi police and soldiers, and that behavior seemed systematic and normally unpunished. 

A 2006 diplomatic cable that Manning disclosed to WikiLeaks referred to the killing of an Iraqi farmer and his family by US forces. US officials declared that the allegations that the troops executed the family and hid the alleged crimes by directing an air strike were absolutely false. The author of the cable, however, the UN Special Rapporteur on Extrajudicial Summary and Arbitrary Executions wrote in that cable that autopsies carried out at the hospital revealed all the corpses were shot in the head and handcuffed. The night raid by US forces had killed eleven people, including an elderly woman in her seventies and a five month old baby. There was never a response to the cable by Philip Alston, the UN Special Rapporteur.

During Chelsea Manning’s pretrial confinement she was stripped of her underwear, forced to stand naked at attention, and held 23 hours a day in a six by eight cell, under 24 hour surveillance by prison guards whom she was forced to say she was ok to every five minutes. As we know from the previous speaker, she was not permitted to speak to other prisoners and was held in essentially solitary confinement. But during the day she was also not permitted to lay down or to lean her back against the wall, she had to sit on the edge of her bed for her waking hours with her feet touching the ground. 

After public outcry she was granted more recreation time, but for her first half of her pre-trial confinement she was only granted twenty minutes outside per week. She was escorted outside of her cell for the one hour that she was outside, or the twenty minutes per week of “sunshine call” , what they call recreation outside. She was in full body restraints, so her arms and legs were bound. The restraints prevented her from being able to stand up on her own, so while she was on this recreation call, two guards had to stand next to her so she wouldn’t fall down. Prison commanders kept her in these conditions against the recommendation of the prison’s own mental health professionals, who said that Manning was not a threat to herself or others, and that her status should be downgraded.

The US Army judge at Manning’s court martial would not permit the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture to testify at her trial. The judge ruled that the United Nations did not posses the force of law and was not controlling in legal determinations in American courts. The military judge at her court martial did rule that her pre-trial confinement was illegal but she only granted Manning 112 days reprieve on a 35 year sentence. UN Special Rapporteur on Torture would have testified that US officials told him that Manning’s confinement conditions before her trial were imposed on her on account of the seriousness of the charges of which she was accused of. In other words, what you and I would consider pre-trial punishment, which is illegal. The UN Special Rapporteur on Torture ruled that Manning’s treatment was cruel and unusual.

Whistleblowers in the US military intelligence sector have no, none, legal means of publicly disclosing classified information about how the state illegally or wrongfully employs violence. The lack of transparency at her court martial raises serious questions about the justice of her conviction. Transparency is vital to the publics perception of the legitimacy of a criminal proceeding. The failure to allow the public access to the court documents at her trial caused irrevocable harm to the public’s right to understand and scrutinize the proceedings. The public was denied access to 30,000 pages of court documents until 18 months into the legal proceeding, which lasted 20 months. The public did not even have an official transcript of how Manning plead to the charges, and there were 22 of them so it was very complicated. 

The military judge also ruled that Manning’s good motive to inform the public was not relevant at her trial. Manning’s motive therefor could not be used to mitigate the accusation against her, drawn from the language of the Espionage Act of which she was charged, that she had reason to believe that her actions would harm the United States. 

Her trial reflects President Barack Obama’s unprecedented campaign against US whistleblowers, employing the Espionage Act of 1917, a statute intended to prosecute spies. The US Department of Justice argues in another espionage case that leaks to the press are a greater threat to society than when spies provide classified information to a foreign government. 

We often hear in the media that Manning was less responsible than Edward Snowden who released information, or disclosed information about US mass surveillance. Because Manning, it’s alleged in the press, dumped material on to the internet. But this accusation by the press does not hold up under the facts of what actually occurred at her court martial, because Manning was only charged under the Espionage Act for approximately 240 documents out of the 750,000 that she disclosed and the documents she disclosed had already been widely disseminated amongst at least half a million government employees and federal contractors. 

The documents actually charged against Manning under the Espionage Act, which number approximately 240, would presumably carry the weight of harm that could happen to the United States based on the Espionage Act language. When the charged documents are examined they included a diplomatic cable relating to malaria updates in Kingston, Jamaica, and three detainee assessment briefs from Guantanamo Bay for three UK residents who were held and released without trial or charges from Guantanamo Bar, they’re called the Tipton Three. According to military prosecutors at Manning’s court martial the UK residents, the Tipton Three, are considered terrorist recidivists because they are “former detainees involved in anti-American propaganda or criticism, by which military prosecutors mean documentaries that advocate for the closing of Guantanamo Bay. 

So in addition to Manning’s good motive being excluded as not relevant at trial, the evidence about the actual lack of damage from the release itself was also considered not to permissible and not relevant. So in other words, Manning was convicted to 35 years in prison on a probable harm standard, not actual damage, and sentenced to 35 years on potential risk which the US Defence Intelligence Agency determined was low to moderate. Despite Manning having been held longer than any accused awaiting court martial in known US military history, the military judge ruled that her speedy trial rights had not been violated. 

But this court martial is really about more than Chelsea Manning, it’s really about you and I. Because Manning was charged with Aiding the Enemy, which is one of two offences under the US Uniform Code of Military Justice, which applies to any person and not just military personnel. Her prosecution, even though she was acquitted, set a very broad legal precedent in the United States. All a prosecutor would have to prove in any future legal case against a whistleblower or a publisher, is that the accused knew that the enemy of the United States, or a former adversary to the United States, used the media organization’s platform to collect intelligence. 

The state itself does not have an ethical or moral imperative. The verdict of the ages is that the legitimacy of a law or a policy and the state derives itself from it’s dependance on the public conscience. So caught in an expanding, secret, and amoral US executive, Manning’s conscience compelled her to appeal to a higher law, which is the public conscience. And for that reason I urge you to pressure the US administration to pardon her and release her immediately.

Thank you.”

Chelsea Manning’s pretrial confinement was criminal. She was tortured and being held for over 1,000 days without trial is a war crime, even by military standards which state that no American can be held for over 125 days without trial. The fact that Chelsea was convicted on “future harm” should enrage the American public. How Orwellian has the court system become? How much power are we giving the US administration to decree what the future entails? How will this look under future administrations?

In the greater context, we must look at the implications of the trial on the future of reporting. On the future of what the public will know of American foreign policy overseas. The majority of people  can see how continued torture and indiscriminate killing of families in mass begets radicalization against those participants. This cycle will continue if no light is shed, the public are kept at bay, and we are continually stonewalled against understanding what is being done in the name of the American public.

What does the future look like if cases like this continue? If we turn a blind to the exploitation of the 1917 Espionage Act against whistleblowers? Well, turning a blind eye to war crimes such as torture lead us down the path to drone warfare. I write about the program, the indiscriminate killing of civilians and children (age 12 and up males are immediately considered enemy combatants) in my previous article, and how this secretive program continues to violate international law and degrade any evolution of international peace. I also write about what conditioning the operators go through on the inside. What position are we putting young men and women continually in if we continue to allow the criminalization of whistleblowing? If there is a “I support the troops” ribbon sticker on the back of your car, consider what future lies before them in an ever expanding and profiteering warmachine that has currently no sufficient accountability.

With the Executive Branch expanding as well under president Obama, who also continues to bloat the National Defence Authorization Act, we have an administration that still operates with little to no oversight. They are able to not only continue facilitating torture through blacksites around the world, but now conduct aggressive first-strike bombing campaigns in undesignated warzones, with no approval necessary by congress. This also means with complete disregard to the American public, and many would argue is unconstitutional.

If we continue down this path of ignorant non-action towards the aggressive acts of the US administration around the world, it’s important to mention one thing that is on the horizon: autonomous killing robots. I wish I was kidding, but the technology already exists. In 2013 a coalition of NGO’s including Human Rights Watch and PAX formed the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots. In mid-November of this year UN member states held a meeting in Geneva to discuss the obvious concerns with humanitarian and international law.

If a future that looks straight out of the X-men comics with the use of Sentinels is just on the horizon, we need to come together and fight for press freedom. That starts with stopping the atrocious exploitation of the 1917 Espionage Act by calling for reform. True investigative journalism can not happen without the protection of whistleblowers and veterans who are willing to speak out. We must continue to organize public pressure on the US administration to release Chelsea, as what she did was for the public and the world’s perception of American military activities looks utterly lost if we don’t fight her unjust trial and the implications that currently sustains for anyone who attempts to shed light on illegal actions by the state.

After everything Chelsea has been through, she is still advocating on behalf of those disenfranchised. Earlier this month, wrote a piece in The Guardian for transgendered service members, people who must hide their identity and are at risk for discrimination and psychological harm.

In an interview published on Dec 16th by Amnesty International, Chelsea answered an important question for us all:

What would you say to somebody who is afraid to speak out against injustice?

First, I would point out that life is precious. In Iraq in 2009-10, life felt very cheap. It became overwhelming to see the sheer number of people suffering and dying, and the learned indifference to it by everybody around me, including the Iraqis themselves. That really changed my perspective on my life, and made me realize that speaking out about injustices is worth the risk. Second, in your life, you are rarely given the chance to really make a difference. Every now and then you do come across a significant choice. Do you really want to find yourself asking whether you could have done more, 10-20 years later? These are the kinds of questions I didn’t want to haunt me.

We will continue to fight for your freedom Chelsea, and your conscience continues to empower, motivate, and mobilize people around the world. I shutter to think of the world and what the state of American foreign policy would be like if you had never taken that step. So much brutality would have continued unnoticed and unrecognized. We both turned twenty seven this year, and we won’t be joining that famous club. You have saved lives and you will be free.

Thank you Chelsea.

By Michelle Segal , Kraken

————————————————-

Here is a list of resources for more information:

Donate to Chelsea’s Defence Fund – If you can, this is the greatest way to support the ongoing legal struggle for Chelsea’s freedom.

Alexa O’brien’s Manning Files – This is her website, and it includes timelines, charges, unofficial transcripts of the trial, legal battles, and more.

Alexa O’brien Interviews David Coombs – David Coombs was Chelsea’s lawyer during her trial and this interview is crucial to understanding even further how twisted the court proceedings were.

Amnesty International’s Action to Free Chelsea Manning – Join Amnesty International in collective action to Free Chelsea Manning

The Guardian: Chelsea Manning – An archive of articles published by The Guardian about Chelsea Manning

….and although its past midnight here on the east coast, I know it’s still your birthday on the west.

A Letter to Chelsea Manning

Dear Chelsea,

When I first heard about you I didn’t really know what to think. On one hand, I was still of the mind that information you were leaking could be dangerous and a security threat to America. But on the other, I felt that if what you were leaking was evidence of egregious crimes we were committing, then maybe you were doing the right thing. I didn’t have to struggle with those thoughts for very long though, because the military told me what to think. You were a misguided, immature kid, a traitor, who did what he did because he wanted attention or was bored. I was told that to look at anything you had shared with WikiLeaks would be a crime and I would jeopardize my career to do so. So I didn’t look at your leaks, and you fell out of my mind. Because you were just a crazy misguided kid, and a lowly Pfc at that. But deep down, I knew that something important was being hidden from me.

Then we learned of your desire to change from man to woman, and it was even easier to convince me that you were out of your mind. What could a crazy homo ever have to teach me? He doesn’t even know what sex he wants to be, what a weirdo.

But I have changed since then, Chelsea, and I see things now that were hidden so cleverly from me. They used your age, rank, and transsexuality to distract us from the truths you were uncovering. I’ve been involved with LGBT equality in the military for nine months now and I’m working every day to increase your chances at a better, fairer life. And now I know that you are not some young irrational idiot; you and I are the same age. I’m sorry for ever thinking of you as anything other than the beautiful, conscientious person that you are.

A month ago I watched Providence, a short video about the bongo truck bombing that killed two Reuters journalists. As the video loaded, I knew this was a moment that would leave a mark. I was finally going to see what had been hidden from me, or what I had hidden from myself. When I heard your voice over the brutal footage, I didn’t hear some crazy, unreliable, selfish voice. I heard the same voice that I started hearing inside myself last year. I heard the same voice that led me to file for conscientious objector status six months ago. This was my voice. This was a voice of conscience.

You did not jeopardize America’s security for your own benefit. You jeopardized your own security to give the human race a chance at healing itself. Thank you for being a beacon of hope. You have lit a torch for all to see, and those brave enough will take from the fire and light their own torches.

I hope to someday meet you in person and thank you for all you’ve done. But until then, I say thank you and Happy Birthday.

Written by Space Man

Markings of a Citizen

I apologize for not keeping up with my regular Tuesday schedule of postings. I’ve had some difficulties in maintaining any semblance of consistency this last month.  Both good and bad.

This adventure marks the international and public premiere of the DRONE Documentary by Tonje Hessen Schei under the Norwegian company Flimmer Film.  Our first showing was in Oslo, to the people who helped support the film.  We next went to Copenhagen for CPH:DOX and I had a media whirlwind. The final destination was IDFA in Amsterdam, the largest independent film festival in Europe. All told, it was an incredibly eye opening and wonderful experience. But here is what I think people have been waiting for:  My Review of CitizenFour, Laura Poitras’ amazing documentary about Edward Snowden’s rise to wonderful infamy for doing the right thing in the face of losing everything.

I guess right there you’ve got it.  My respect for Mr. Snowden only deepened into the bowels of the earth.  I’ll give no spoilers other than to give you my reflections on the matter how this relates to myself.  Especially since quite a few people make the comparison almost daily in my life.  Or at least in my public star life that I dislike ever so much.

I saw the gravity of the whole situation.  The huge amount of trust that Edward had to make towards Glenn Greenwald and Laura to be able to get the information out in a right way by adhering to the CHARACTERS that Mr. Greenwald and Ms. Poitras have consistently portrayed with immense integrity.  More so the fact that Glenn and Laura had no idea who Mr. Snowden was or if he was even telling the truth.  In typical spy-novel fashion, Ed could have been the bait to trap some journalists being thorns in somebody’s side.

It was like watching a film in like fashion of my favorite novels.  A hero deals with an overwhelming enemy by recruiting two of the top reporters in the world and giving them information that will help future generations to combat this enemy and not become it.  The hero leaves his love behind knowing that what he does is important for our species to survive. In that, his own comforts mean nothing.  He gains great honor.  People revere him for generations as a man who gave up everything for doing the right thing.

Ed, Chelsea, Julian, William, and many more deserve your heartfelt thanks for doing what they have done at great cost to themselves with no personal gain.  They should be our generation’s heroes, and if they are not then they will be the next’s.  It’s a thing we should at least encourage.

But where do I fit in?  I don’t, really.  I wouldn’t even count myself among anyone other than those that seek redemption.  And while I may be talking about spiritually, it really comes down to: can I bring about enough goodness to counter the destruction I helped perpetuate in this world?  Too many of my former friends, colleagues, family, and acquaintances would say to just “ask god to forgive you then everything will be right.”

But I am a warrior and my god is Honor.  What we participated in the drone program  is, by my estimate, one of the most dishonorable things any member of our species could participate in.  And the people reflected that dishonor.  Here is where my difference comes in.

I knew it.  And like a coward I ran from from it.  I didn’t stand up and do the right thing because I was too scared and browbeaten by my previous employers to do so.  I ran into another job with great hope that I would reap some honor from my service by helping others “Return with Honor.”  And when I was injured I desperately tried to hang on by telling everyone I was okay.  I nearly killed myself because that would have been better, to die while in service to my country, than to have to live with the headspace I created while in the drone program.

And the last thing I remember was asking the universe to forgive my crimes against its creation, that if there was any way I could balance it out in this lifetime to give me the chance or to cast me off to oblivion.  And I asked for Honor to forgive its wayward son.

Next thing I know it’s months later and I’m throwing a temper tantrum in a VA office for fucking up my appointment.  So I knew that I was cursed to this existence for my crimes.  I was cursed with this pain and heartache.  That I was cursed to walk this path because I can endure great pain.

That is what makes me different than those individuals of great love for humanity.  They did it out of obligation to themselves.  To do the right thing, to be aligned with their humanly purpose of progressing our species towards universal betterment.  I ran.  I tried to hide behind flimsy excuses and a flag that has brought terror to nearly all the world.  I am blessed to even have this chance to share my experiences with you. I believe that we can change for the better and with PROJECT Red Hand that will be my way to help make it possible.  All of this is the reasoning why I try so hard because I made these mistakes and I want no one to have to go through what I experienced.  And I want others to know that it is never too late to do the right thing.

I feel honored to have talked to many of you.  Thank you for giving your time and energy to me.

Please, let’s honor the truth speakers in our world.  They truly are worth more to us as a species than we’ll know in our lifetimes.  And that’s why Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning have the markings of true citizens.

December 9th 2014

Written by Brandon Bryant

The Day I Stopped Being Afraid

Living the Dream

“Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity and principles of uncertainty. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake time and space, that can shape and alter who we imagine ourselves to be, begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood moment to moment. That each point of intersection, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction.”

– David Mitchell “ Cloud Atlas”

I was sitting in class, we were discussing the Geneva Convention and it’s importance. The course was Introduction to European Peace and Security Studies. At the end of this course, we were meant to write a peer paper in which I and another student was meant to recreate the debate between Albert Einstein and Sigmund Freud called “Why War” in our own thoughts. All of the sudden, Dr. Koops pulls up the video that Chelsea (Bradley) Manning famously leaked to Julian Assange that previous year in 2010 named “Collateral Murder”. He shuts off the lights and the class watches the digital memory of when an Apache helicopter fired upon unarmed civilians, killing 18 people including two Reuters journalists and injuring two children. The video was buried deep within our classified database and was never meant to be known to the public. When the video finished, he turn the lights on and asked the class “What is wrong with this video?”. The class was silent. “ Come on, anyone..”

I looked around and everyone was clearly disturbed by what they had just witnessed. One student raises their hand and says questioningly “They didn’t have weapons?”. He points to me. “ And why is that a problem Cian?” Knowing that I would most likely answer the question correctly.

I hated speaking in front of people, and I hated being put on the spot even more…I knew what was wrong with that. I’ve seen that video before and many like it. It was the subject of the dreams that brought me to that point. I replied “ It was the heat of the moment, those guys probably hadn’t slept. The video feeds are grainy, you can’t tell if they are holding weapons or something else. They could be insurgents, they could be anyone. I would have made the same mistake.”

He paused, and looked up at the class, then prompts them. “ And what do you think?”

One American girl raises her hand. “ I agree, this is war and bad things sometimes happen. They were civilian but anyone could have made that mistake…” A few nod their heads agreeingly.

“Guys, what about the Geneva Convention? There were people here that were clearly unarmed, and the gunner fired on them and it turned out they were no threat to anyone.” He explains.

A German girl raises her hand “ I mean, I can understand how someone can make the mistake of thinking that the people with items in their hands were insurgents, especially considering that there was a fire fight in the area earlier that day. But why are they determining the fate of people’s lives based on images that you can’t even see clearly? Also, aren’t these people trained to follow the Geneva Convention, and aren’t they trained how to decipher these images?”

The class looks back at me. I lowered my head and replied to her “Yes…”

The was a brief awkward silence.

“ …Ok everyone, time is up, I want you all to think about this tonight and I want you all to read the Geneva Convention before next class and don’t forget, you need to turn in your first draft for your peer paper before next week”

I get up and begin to walk out of the class, and Dr. Koops stops me. “ Cian, you mind walking with me?”

I agreed and waited for him outside of the class. We walk out of the building and as we cross the street toward the main campus, he asks “ What did you think of that class?”

I replied “ I think it was good…”

“Would you mind speaking to the class a bit about your experiences sometime? Most of the students have never been exposed to the military” he says.

It was my intention to leave as fast as possible prior to that, but I responded. “ Dr. Koops, I don’t know what to tell them…”

“Well, I just think being able to talk to you might be valuable for them. You know, this is International Relations, some of them might be making decisions one day.” he replies.

“I got a piece of paper that said that I helped kill 200 people” I choked. “ Let me get back to you on that”

That night I thought about that video, the reactions of the class, and my own. My response was so cold. Why didn’t I just say that it was a violation of the Geneva Convention? Are these students really going to be decision makers. I hope they know better than I do. I hope they were just being quiet because they were shocked. What’s wrong with me, why wasn’t I shocked?

My girlfriend Francesca was cooking dinner. We sat there quietly, and then I told her about my day. We went to bed and I couldn’t sleep. I tried, but couldn’t bring myself to that point. After Afghanistan, I was having dreams about being mortared. There were several occasions where I woke up startled. After reading my Enlisted Performance Report saying that my work contributed to 200+ enemy kills, I secretly grew obsessed with finding better statistics on that number. I read the UNAMA Reports, and those of the Bureau of Investigative Journalism. Numbers didn’t match up. The “200+ enemy kills” was actually an understatement. There were civilian casualties… numbers that were to me unacceptable… children… and that was only 10% of all the missions made transparent to the public. I started having dreams about bombs. Except, instead of them being dropped on me on base, they were happening in villages. I once dreamt that there was an air raid, and that there were something like 50 children staring at the sky in terror. I ran for them, and would try to save them, but when they saw me they would scream and run away. The bombs dropped. I blacked out. Then I found myself standing amongst them in a rubble field, and they were all dead. I had another one that I can remember because I had variations of it for a week. I was in my Radio Control Unit. The radios were all down, and I was trying to fix them. My NCOIC told me to fix them, or people were going to start dying. I panicked and I ran out the RCU into a desert. I ran and ran, then happened upon a village that was burning and black with smoke. I ran toward it, and saw a small girl crying over a body on the ground. I looked down, and it was a women. Instinct made me get down and try to give her CPR, but I hesitated to give mouth to mouth because it was caked in blood. I looked at the girl, and told her I was sorry. But when I looked up, she stopped crying and she grew quiet. She was afraid. I’m sorry I said. I looked at my hands and I was wearing my BDUs, they were covered in her mother’s blood. Then she turned around and ran away. I reach for her, then I hear the same whistle I heard during a rocket attack I experienced in Kandahar, there was an explosion, and I would wake up.

After I saw that Collateral Murder video, and being asked to talk about my experience. It became my mission to understand war. I felt like I was entirely out of my league. I at times would not be able to handle the material, and when I wasn’t thinking about it, I would try to link it to my experience. This was a difficult battle, one that I mostly kept to myself and at times spoke to my girlfriend about. I was struggling with money, the amount the GI Bill gives you is hardly enough to live comfortably on. I was struggling with the fact that I could not handle staying in America with my family because the whole time I was there, all I could see was people who were blissfully ignorant to the pain and suffering that was happening around the world in the name of their government. People who found comfort in laying their hands on me to pray away the pain I felt, instead of listening to what I had to say. I had long hair at that point so thankfully I was not burdened with people thanking me for my service.

I spent five of the eight months I had at home on unemployment in the house I had left five years prior in the midst of my parents separating, finding out that my father was gay, and my girlfriend at the time attempting suicide. For five years, I hadn’t lived in America. It was foreign and yet all too familiar for me. I had spent months on unemployment, looking for a job. At a point I had given up. The goal was to have my girlfriend move there so that I could be close to my family, but we weren’t about to get married to get a visa and it was too expensive to have her study there. She was the best girlfriend someone like me could have had. I tried to break up with her before I went to Afghanistan, because I couldn’t bare her getting lonely and meeting someone else. I didn’t want her to go through all of that, and I didn’t want to end up hating her for being human. But she refused. She stayed with me the whole time. When I came back, she was there for several months and held me when I had nightmares, and throughout my bursts of anger. Anger that I now understand was the result of repressed emotion. Even when I traveled the world, she waited.

I grew pretty desperate to make it work. I didn’t know how to make it work. Then one day Sean Dunn, an acquaintance posted that he had just got accepted to a small English speaking university in Brussels called Vesalius College and they had International Affairs as a course of study. That was it. So I told my family who I had promised that I would be home for awhile that I was going back overseas. I arranged everything with the Belgian Consulate in Atlanta and I left with the last $3,000 I had left saved.

For months, the VA did not pay me and I was forced to borrow money from my girlfriend who was receiving money from her Italian parents, that could barely afford basic things for themselves. My entire first year at university was overshadowed by my continuing struggle with money, living with my girlfriend in confined quarters with a Frenchman on the other side of a plastic wall, and my inability to obtain my residency permit for one reason or another. In the course of my studying, I began to see that my education was paid for in blood, so when I wouldn’t do as well as I had hoped, I would often break down and my girlfriend would bare the brunt of it. It was difficult not to think that way when you dreamt about dead kids every other night on a bad streak. To escape these thoughts, I’d often invest an obscene amount of energy in clubs and projects, often taking on more than I could handle, and often being disappointed with my inability to make them work. I’d often cast blame on others for that, and regret it afterwards.

In January 2013, my passion became a Capstone project to create a think-tank we called Bridge for Humanity. Our objective was to research and formulate a policy proposal for the Maghreb region (N. Africa) after the Arab Spring. We were then meant to present this document to the European External Action Service for consideration. Being someone who has been on the practical side of bad policy making, I had three months to obsess over creating something that I could never possibly understand well enough to be content that it would be used to improve matters. I managed to neglect everything else, my other schoolwork, my activities at school, my friends, and most importantly the person who went through everything with me. I became convinced that Bridge for Humanity was going to be my redemption. It was going to be my solution for world peace. I wouldn’t sleep, and I’d drone away at making this idea work.

After having to cancel my flight home for Christmas due to not having a residency permit and guilt for not being able to make it when it seemed like my family needed me there, my American history professor managed to pull some strings with the US consulate, and got them to call the Bureau of Immigration. I got my visa, and managed to pass my classes. But I was in a deep depression that I was not able to get rid of, my nightmares were in full force, and all I could think about was Bridge for Humanity and the plans I had for integrating it with the school by using my position in the student government. I left to Colorado in July just days before my five year anniversary with my girlfriend. I arrived, and I was fighting to be myself around my sister. I had ignored Francesca for that week, and eventually she told me that it was over. When she said that, all I could really say was “ok”. I didn’t want her to have to deal with me anymore. I spent a week staring at nothing before I broke down and asked my sister for antidepressants. The VA was not an option for me, I didn’t want to talk to them. What would I say? I felt terrible because I built a communications system? I anticipated that there were people who had seen and done things much more traumatic sounding than me. The antidepressants helped, but I felt like a robot. For once, I didn’t give a damn who I hurt. It was relieving, but unfortunate. By the time I returned to Brussels, I was full blown, not caring. I met someone, and we became intimate. I got with her before Francesca was able to move out. When Francesca came home, she was forced to endure the pain of not only me being with another person, but me being such an obnoxious prick as to force her to move out. For a month, I pushed Francesca away. I wanted no chance that she would take me back, or be associated with what I was planning next.

In the beginning of the school year, I assisted with a conference on EU-GCC relations and tried to bring up an idea I had on Trilateral Joint Policy Exchange Workshops which I had adapted from one of the items mentioned in the policy proposals we submitted to the EEAS. I had met many interesting and spirited people from the GCC countries. Next, I attended a Transparency International Workshop on Defense Industry Corruption and ended up going off on a tirade with the help of Andrew Feinstein about drone warfare and systemic corruption. After the meeting, he gave me his book “Shadow World: Inside the Global Arms Trade” which chronicled his four years worth of investigation into how legitimate American and other defense companies have been using the grey market to perpetuate warfare since World War Two, and even went back in history as far as Basal Zaharoff who helped start an arms race in every country involved in World War One. This was a man that was called a hero.  After reading this book, many of my suspicions and fears were confirmed. With regards to the Snowden leaks – much of the information of which I was also suspicious about – I saw a state that had transcended the level of systemic corruption and abuse of power, as well as expansionist aspirations than I had ever seen before. Being a futurist and one who stays ahead of the curve with technological change, I became growingly concerned with this policy of Full Spectrum Dominance and the political philosophies associated with it. I had developed a major affinity for the writings of George Orwell after reading his short story called “To Shoot an Elephant” in my first semester of university. One quote burned in my head after hearing of these leaks

“In our own day they are not fighting against one another at all. The war is waged by each ruling group against its own subjects, and the object of the war is not to make or prevent conquests of territory, but to keep the structure of society intact.”

I started seeing issues that were arising in the US, that could lead to internal conflicts in the next ten years. In particular, the growing wealth divide and the exponential rise in machines that are replacing humans in the workforce and at war. I met the premiere peace scholar Dr. Johan Galtung soon after meeting Andrew Feinstein. He wrote a book that was titled “The Fall of the US Empire: And Then What”. I stood waiting to speak to him, and once I had the chance, I asked him “ How does one stop the US from descending into a police state” and he replied “ You have to target local institutions and change the country from the bottom up.” Had I not been on the antidepressants I might have been more inquisitive. But this was something I began thinking about intensely as time went on. Dr. Koops then asked me at the beginning of October, two years after he first asked me if I would do a lecture for Armistice Day (Veteran’s day). Had I not been on the antidepressant, I would have most likely not agreed to do that. But I thought that by the time I had to do it, I would have something to say.

In the course of my being broken up with Francesca, and being with my “unnameable girlfriend”, I had a brief relapse with Francesca. I caught mononucleosis in the month of October and nearly died due to dehydration. They misdiagnosed me for strep throat, and I blacked out on a tram. I woke up in the hospital, and in the three days that I spent there, I thought about how I was going to do this lecture to make it useful. After I got out of the hospital the mono had slowed me down, however, I intensely thought about  my problem, and I wracked my brain about how I could put it into a context that people could understand. It was a 10,000 word paper that I called the Anatomy of an Airstrike. It was essentially about how warfare and society has evolved to the point where the there are so many people in the chain of actions that it has become increasingly difficult to understand the true impact of what we do.

For instance, when Brandon guided in those missile, someone else made the kill decision. There was someone else who activated the missiles so that they were able to kill people. Someone else constructed the intelligence for the decision maker to make that decision. We are at war because certain people in government sent us there. And if leaders of third world nations can be tried and executed as being war criminals for authorizing their men to kill civilians, then why is a man who built the communications system that made all this communication between individuals who are all bearing responsibility for making the act of killing an individual by airstrike possible any different than a person who can see the effects of what they do?

I was responsible for building that system. That system is used to kill people, therefore, I am killing everyone that my system was used to kill. It was my decision to build that system, and though coerced, it was my decision to follow those orders to do it. Braver men have been faced with greater threats than a dishonorable discharge and some jail time. More innocent men have been punished for less. Why is it that the lowest guy on the totem pole is always the one who gets the brunt of all punishment for immoral acts? In this interconnected world, we are all guilty for grave injustices to human beings and our planet, if there were a lense to view the entire impact of our entire lives as individuals on this planet in a single day, we would all look back on ourselves prior to that day as people who are on par with Hitler. Our society is built to shroud the effects of our evil acts, so that we can go on with light consciences. We blame Kim Jong Il of merrily living his life as his people suffer, but what do we do when we insist on buying the newest computers for the lowest prices, when we all know good and well that the ingredients of which fuel a conflict that has taken the lives of over 4 million people in the Democratic Republic of Congo? We live in a world of moral children, and we perpetuate suffering by our decision to ignore the truth in favor of a carefree existence.

When I sat in front of fifty people to tell them what I did, and the consequences of my actions on the victims and myself, it was one of the most humiliating moments in my life. To admit that I have been conned, to admit that I am a coward and a killer, and to admit that I am not a good person was what I thought to be my lowest point. Of course, people may disagree with that, but those people clearly don’t know what I know. My paper never made it to the crowd, as I finished it the night before. But this moved Dr. Koops to try to take me onto the Global Governance Institute so that I could research this further. They postponed my due dates, and they told me to finish when my mononucleosis got better. I was maybe sleeping 2-3 hours a night trying to work on what I had to do, even when I had a break, I barely slept. The last day of the Fall semester. My unnameable girlfriend found messages on my computer to Francesca, and she found out that Francesca and I got together while I was with her. I had a finals party I was required to organize, a task that I was not especially keen on in light of my more grandiose plans that never worked out to transform the school into a ground zero for peace. My “unnameable girlfriend” chose to play it cool though, and tried to make our last night together memorable. It took everything in me not to cry. I had managed to hurt two people that I cared most for. When she left on the airplane, I was alone with myself for once. I no longer had antidepressants to numb me, and I no longer had someone to console me.

That month, I researched the future of warfare and extended my imagination to the depths of my sanity. If I had been able to believe that humans were as the powerful political theorists have said they were since Machiavelli, I would have conceded that my actions in Afghanistan were necessary and were therefore justifiable. But I have found no such proof that humans are intrinsically the cynically self serving entities that is claimed they are. In fact, this argument has been used to justify morally bankrupt actions since time immemorial as you can essentially feel blameless in anything you do so long as the person you are doing it to would beyond reasonable doubt do the same to you, given the same circumstances. But this isn’t exactly genuine. If perhaps we were lizards, that may be the case, but our minds are built to transcend this. We are capable of empathy, and often times we will sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. Some say that goes against nature but the fact that we do it makes it our nature. In fact, everything humans do is human nature, and making choices is human nature too.  Ernest Becker says that we are in fact survival oriented, but we have the cognitive capacity to frame our own survival not only in our physical existence, but we are able to transcend death in our ideas as well. The great many things that we as individuals consider reality is in fact social constructions. These things are factors that determine our life choices. Patriotism, a nation, trucks, hell the words you are reading are social constructions that are representative of reality. You are given a name, and that name and everything attributed to it is a social construction. Social constructions are only as real as the power people vest in them. The idea that there is such a thing as a just war is very dependent on who you are speaking to and on what side. However every person who raises a weapon does so under the assumption that they are the one who is just in their decision to take another’s life. The very fact that there is a party who would view the act of taking their life as unjust signifies that that act in itself is unjust.

In war, we are conditioned to believe that since we are lawful combatants, there is a mutually understood agreement that if you kill or are killed by another combatant, that the act of killing is a mutual act of self defense. However, the very reason one is sent to war is also a social construction based on decisions a handful of leaders have made to expend the lives of otherwise peaceful individuals to meet a political objective or to eliminate an unwelcome influence on their society. Nevertheless,  we are still fighting for things that are only as real as people make them, and are figments of our imaginations supported by generations of evolving thoughts that we must be aware of to make decisions based off of them. Some leaders have seen this, and thought it would be a good idea to culturally whitewash societies in order to create a new social reality based off their vision for human kind, but this is normally a measure that is enforced, and is not voluntary. These incidents of cultural whitewashing are normally referenced to societies that history normally associates with evil. In many ways, any norm, no matter how well intentioned or just is no longer just so long as it is imposed on that individual or society, as the nature of the norm changes in the process. War in itself is the business of imposition. War cannot be just because there is never justice for those who are forced by others to do something. Even violent revolution against an evil dictator is not just, so long as the structures of power remain intact, as those who rebel are not rebelling against the structure of society or the norm, but the people themselves.

For a month, I dwelt on these thoughts. In the middle of this month, I was having a very difficult time coping with what I did. I thought about the diffusion of responsibility and how this diffusion represents power of those making decisions, as it distances people from the moral weight of their decisions, and allows people to live in their collective fantasies by limiting their exposure to the actual injustice of taking another person’s life. In some ways, speaking about my experience felt like I was providing a service, perhaps I was. But since I became aware that people knew what I had done, I felt what I had told them every time I saw them. I stumbled on Brandon Bryant’s video for DemocracyNow! when I was researching drone warfare. It was a long shot, but he seemed like of all the people I have met or heard of, he’d get it. I helped him do his job after all. We spoke a bit. I played it off like I was doing this for research reasons to some extent. I didn’t want to tell him that I had been sitting at the edge of my own sanity for too long, what do I do, how do I deal this.

We talked on and off for several months. He was apparently very busy as I’d later find, but I was frankly just relieved that I wasn’t alone in this. I tried starting the antidepressants again, just so I could function normally. The mono still made me really tired, and I’d sit at my computer frustrated because I was not able to think clearly enough to articulate the research I did. In February, I found out that Brandon was coming to Germany to do something, so I pitched to Dr. Koops the idea that we organize a conference on drone warfare with Brandon. He thought it was a fantastic idea. Then I found out that he was in a documentary and I got in touch with Tonje Schei through Facebook. Then I messaged Andrew Feinstein and asked if he’d join us as a lecturer, knowing that I also heard his voice in the trailer and remembered him speaking about a drone documentary he was in when I first met him. Tonje and Jonathan offered to bring Shahzad Akbar with them from Norway, and all of a sudden I was organizing this conference called “Drone Warfare: Where to go from here” with around a month to pull that off and one of the first screenings of the DRONE documentary shown to the public right before everyone else went on vacation. This conference was organized primarily over Google Hangouts and Facebook with Giulia arranging bookings and flights in Italy, Dr. Koops directing from the Arctic Circle, me in Brussels, Andrew in London, and the rest of the DRONE crew in Norway. I had not anticipated that Spring break and a months notice wouldn’t be enough time to gather institutional experts that could argue for drones, I had never done this before. I just did it because I felt like it was critical, and people needed to know.

We managed to get the biggest theater at the Vrije University Aula Q and was told that we’d have a full screen. The day finally came, I picked up Brandon at the airport. Brandon’s credit card wasn’t working, so I went to the airport in Dr. Koops’s car. I was late, and he was sitting over to the side with his head down. I was in my suit and he was in clothes that looked far more comfortable to me. We both stood there and talked about books and movies, while we waited for Tonje. She arrived and went to the car. I had to move the child seat for her. I took them to their hotel to freshen up, and Sean Dunn pick them up. In addition to the conference, I had arranged for the very person who I found out about Vesalius College from on Facebook, and who was interning at New Europe, to conduct interviews with all of the guests. Then the time came, and of course nothing worked to plan. The projector we needed was broken and we were forced to use the small one. The speakers that were connected to the small projector reduced the acoustic quality and I feared that it was ruined. Everything was late, including many of the guests. I hadn’t slept in two nights and worse, Dr. Koops challenged me to sit up there with all of them. The film played, and for me it was an emotional moment. For one, I couldn’t believe someone made a documentary about this. Secondly, I understood that I was in the company of people who are in a very much David vs. Goliath scenario. Third, seeing Shahzad, and knowing that my equipment was still affecting the people in Pakistan he was trying to protect sent me into tears. It captured much of what I researched and put a face to the names I had been reading. I had realized that I was part of something so benign on one side, yet absolutely terrifying on the other. When I went up to the stage to sit by these people, I was weak in the knees. I was doing everything I could not to start crying again.

The Q&A session went really well. To be honest, I can’t for the life of me remember everything that was said. But I do remember seeing from the corner of my eye when an audience member called Brandon a hero and he looked down in shame. I already knew how he felt about that. I recognized when his tone switched from explanatory to combative. I knew how he felt. I was trying put on a mask up until that point to appear like I was hot shit, able to organize anything so that people would trust me enough to let me. But I had lied to all my Professors by telling them that I was catching up. I still had work due from the previous semester. There was no way I’d finish everything. I was nothing in a suit, just trying to keep my cool long enough before people understood that I was not doing any of this out of academic curiousity, but because I had to.

On April 18th, I made the decision to share with Chris Woods of the Bureau of Investigative Journalism information that I believe was how our system was being used in conjunction with the Battlefield Airborne Communications Node to control UAV strikes over Waziristan. This information is at least from what I saw, very much supported the notion that US Air Force personnel were being used for clandestine operations in a country that we were not formally at war with and whom the Pakistani government has a legal obligation to deny. I did this because it was important. I have full faith that Chris Woods will use this information responsibly. I did not do so secretly, I did so transparently to those who would be monitoring such information, although I have not and will not make that information available to any other source. They were mere clues to follow in order to help his investigation. But then the media lab holding the video for the conference was hacked and a virus was installed on the video for the conference deeming it unreadable. I began to sink deeper into my depression. I wasn’t sleeping and when I did, there was this looming chance I’d have another nightmare. I was intent on passing these classes, but I was fairly certain that it wouldn’t happen. I passed all but one. Statistics.

My mother came for a graduation I would never have. We both went and watched Charlotte, another member of the student government deliver the speech I wrote to start the school year which was meant to spark off a series of plans I became too dysfunctional to carry out. I watched Andrew Feinstein, the speaker I selected speak of following what you know is right no matter what and you’ll never regret it. I saw my fellow students, all happy for an accomplishment they worked hard for. I was proud of them. But I knew that road wasn’t for me. It wouldn’t matter anyway, I’d probably be detained at the the New Jersey Airport the minute I swiped my passport.

After “graduation”, I was meant to go to India to travel and decompress. But I had drank away much of what I saved going to bars those first three months of the year. All I had was non-refundable ticket to New Delhi, and from there to Denver two months later. I didn’t have a visa however and I didn’t have the money, time, or ID card to obtain one. Instead, I found a flight to Kathmandu. I had $400 in my bank account, the rest was wrapped up in a stock I had lost almost everything on. My sister’s wedding was in late September. But I was suffering at the time. I would occasionally hang out with friends, but mostly sat in my room starring at the ceiling, counting euro cents, hoping it was enough to buy food. With one of those coins, I started to flip it over whether or not I was going to kill myself when I went to Nepal. I didn’t want to make the decision on my own, I wanted fate to decide that. Every time it landed on tails, I should. It’s pretty messed up but that was kind of a relief to me. I knew you could get any pill you wanted there and I knew hikers disappeared all the time. It was enough having to deal with sleep problems, nightmares, depression, and all that. I was not sure I was ready to do that in prison.

Francesca came and visited me again, to say goodbye. I missed her, it was good bye though. I had spent a considerable amount of time with a friend in Brussels. We kind of kept eachother company and we had something but it never worked out. I helped her move and on the last night we kissed. Sometimes people don’t understand the little things they do that make a difference, but we kissed two more times. Once outside the house and once at the train  as she was leaving. I gave everything away, and sold a few other things for extra cash. Then I got on the plane and went to Nepal. When I arrived in Kathmandu, I was picked up by my host Durga. She brought me back to her house in a rusty old taxi. There was something familiar about not being in the west anymore, something refreshing. There I met Nina, and Durga’s son Diwash and daughter. Nina was a Buddhist, who was crazy about singing bowls. She was also crazy about helping people. We saw several of the temples in the first few days and went to the orphanage. When I arrived at the orphanage, I had about ten kids jump on me. I saw that they were plenty loved, they came from hard places but they were happy. The father and his wife who were taking care of them were struggling to support them though. The kids didn’t have any winter clothes and during low seasons they would have issues getting volunteers to provide funding. Nina and I started talking about how to help them, and she managed to raise some money to buy food and cold weather gear for awhile. Seeing those kids and the conditions of the street kids changed me. Perhaps, it saved me. It became sort of my mission to create a conference to get these NGOs to speak to each other about these kids and try to hash out a comprehensive plan. I met a Swiss girl named Octavi, and we set out to interview different NGOs, to see if it would be useful. In fact, the general consensus is that it would, but it would be really difficult to do in a way to make it so.

I interviewed several in both rural and social projects. I started to rethink my old idea for Bridge for Humanity, and started to think about what needed to be done locally. I saw NGOs that were being funded to help issues such as street children who were definitely full of well meaning people, but were limited in knowledge and capacity to actually put forth useful steps to solve these problems. I saw Christian NGOs that were focused primarily on normative change via belief systems that promoted healing, but were not accepting of and hardly understood the culture they were speaking to. Much of what they had said was self reinforcing rather than trancescendental change, and limited in capacity to do real good. It was there to reinforce a dependency relationship between victims of other systems and the mission. Efforts such as these I found inherently disingenuous.

There were also NGOs that tried to change their society through mostly foreign paying volunteers, and this was great, only it was illegal, and hardly effective for the funds that were invested in it. I spend a lot of time with an NGO like this, but there was no screening process for volunteers or adequate direction. An organization built on irregular volunteers is the definition of difficult to coordinate. This resulted in children being taught basic English in school, and having no permanently structured learning to progress their knowledge. It looks good, but is inneffective. On an eco project such as the one they had in Chitwan, this system worked, however it was difficult to create any meaningful employment for volunteers without adequate skillsets, and it ended up being a mess.

There were also organizations with great public relations, only it was clear that they viewed their organization as a cash cow. The government was scheduling regular meetings between NGOs, however it was said that these meetings resulted in little headway, and was actually just more of a showcase. What I realized these NGOs needed was assistance with capacity building, and they needed structures that would facilitate cooperation and at the same time create oversight. It didn’t need an NGO that would be an umbrella, but rather one that bridged existing ones, and created a framework they could walk across to share their services and knowledge. They also needed a cost effective and sustainable exit strategy, one that would give them the security to put their full effort behind solving problems rather than letting them linger. This exit strategy had to result in something that would be more profitable for them to pursue than their existing structures and would rather than being a money pit or a burden on government would help strengthen their existing economy.

In international relations, we learned of  two approaches I saw a way forward with. On was called global governance (not to be confused with global government) and the other human security. Global governance is the global framework that exists between different entities that are not government but facilitate a political dialogue between civil societies and international organizations. Human security is the existence of structures that provide for individuals all their basic needs and support them in a manner that allows them to pursue their wants. The other concept that is fundamental to a just system is of intergenerational equity. This means that the way of life that is promoted through these two means should promote the third in order to make this sustainable, as intergenerational equity has to do with ensuring that future generations have the opportunity to achieve human security.

We currently operate in a system that is destructive to peace, and thus global governance, and it is destructive to human security overall as it does not follow the principle of intergenerational equity, but rather encourages the destruction of it in favor of an arbitrary measure of a nation’s self importance called power. Indeed, what the United States has been pursuing since 2001 is power, and not just any power, but global power, and judging by the changing structure of this system, not power for all, but power for a few. This is not freedom. Ubiquitous collection of online information can make us more safe from enemies, but in the same way that a sheep herder keeps his flock safe. The NSA is the herder’s staff meant to coerce its population to bend to its will, as when someone feels monitored, they do not act without considering potential retaliation from whoever is in power. These enemies, what most people have a difficult time understanding, are not simply people who mean us harm, but are people who have been the victims of the harm imposed on them since the times of colonialism. This is not at its core about religion, it is about people who fighting for their dignity in the name of Allah. It is about protecting their right to access resources that have been limited by structures of power that began with colonialism, and have persisted to this day. It is not about wanting to regress to a more primitive and controlled way of life, but it is about protecting their system of values from disappearing, which have equal right to exist as our western ones. However, in doing so, systems that are threatened turn inward. They grow paranoid, and certain individuals who profit from this egg it on. In the process, we all became what we most hated from the beginning out of fear for the alternative; we become controlled and subservient to violence. We are no longer free to find ourselves or our God. But certain values are imposed on us, and we are no longer provided the means to make the journey of a life worth living. Therefore, if we are to break from this, the only responsible course of actions is to live for the day. It is to be present, and it is to constantly remind ourselves to think transcendentally.

On the 9th of September, I had lived for two months a free individual. When I finally determined that my own life is no longer worth living, I began to think of a life that was. While at times I punish myself for my past, I remind myself that the only time that exists is now, the past is a ripple of a ship, and the future is the culmination of the life we choose to live on a day to day basis. It became my mantra to work on what I felt to be the most important thing I thought I could do that day. I met a girl in a hostel in Kathmandu. There was only two days left for what I was preparing myself to be the last two days of my life as a free individual. On the last hours of the last night of staying up and talking about life, we kissed. In that kiss, I felt home for once in many years. When I boarded that plane, I felt no fear, because something was telling me that it was going to be ok.

I got home, and I went to my sister’s wedding. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I started to understand that when that coin flipped and told me I was supposed to kill myself, I was. Only, it was not the self I had imagined it to be. It was the part of me that would have felt ashamed and afraid to share this information.

Over that month, I began talking to Brandon more, and we both agreed that now was the time for solutions and for truth. A few days later, he asks me if I would be available for a conference call regarding the start of Project Red Hand. In the course of two months, I spent being with my family, I also spent it trying to think about the most important thing I could be doing today. I contacted Dr. Eric Hodges, a major proponent of the field of Veteran’s Studies so that Brandon and I can speak about what they are now calling moral injury. We believed that it was important to further the understanding of people who have been exposed to war, though the system would have you believe that our experience is atypical. There is a great injustice happening to the veterans of this nation. We have to improve the understanding of returning veterans to ensure that our society is able to grow from this suffering rather than collapse in our own fantasies. We were promised change, and we were promised a more peaceful world would come of this. But a decade down the road, there is only surveillance, a more militarized police force, an increasingly automated military, and well meaning policies that are financially unsustainable. Our future generations will be burdened with debt that was created by bankers who still roam free, and for what? We have still not heard an adequate explanation for this. As it currently stands, the only actions that have come from this was criticism of those who serve the state. I say that this is not a matter of people, I believe that people are for the most part guided by what they think is right, as misguided as that may be sometimes.

The problems are these illusory structures that we have built for ourselves, these structures that guide our actions, of which, we have mistaken for reality. But we can change these structures ourselves, there are solutions out there. Last Saturday, I left my father’s house unexpectedly in the middle of the night. I did not know where I was going, I was anxious and I felt like I had to go. I told him I was going to Taos, New Mexico. I got in my truck and I drove three hours south, and camped in the back of my truck in the middle of the desert. That morning, I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was going to do, it just felt right. I had heard of Earthships and I was intent on seeing them for myself. I went to McDonalds to see what the address to it was, and I met a man who was going through the academy there. I told him I was camping in my truck, just trying to see what was up with them. He offered to let me see his, and to show me around. We drove into the desert and almost five miles down a poorly maintained desert road. It was a cold early morning, and I was skeptical of what I was about to see. I’ve been talking about earthships for the last few days with the Project Red Hand group. We were all very intrigued. But when I walked inside, it was warm and there were plants growing inside. I went to the tap, and there was clean water from the rain pouring out. I have been living in one for over a week. There are plans designed for every climate. As I am writing this, it is below freezing outside, and I am wearing a T-shirt.

Today, there are homes available that are 100% self sustaining. They can sustain a family of four indefinitely. They are extremely low impact to the environment, in fact, they are for the most part built from recycled materials that our society has had a difficult time finding uses for. You can build a home for four people for $20,000. What many do not understand about this concept is that while yes, this is forty years old, there are thousands of homes that have been built by them and this concept is evolving. In order to change society and prevent war, we have to find a way to provide human security and intergenerational equity. This concept is the most advanced system for overcoming the issues we will have in the future yet. If people can have access to their basic necessities of life, there is no need for a welfare system, the structure itself is a welfare system. When there is massive unemployment due to improvements in technology and our inability to retrain people into new skill sets fast enough, people will have food, water, energy, and a roof over their heads. We can connect these homes to a grid, and combine it with a self sustaining system, and we will have power feeding back into the grid, and we will have redundancies for whenever for some reason or other, the grid fails. This is not only human security, this is economic security. This is the ability for the American people and people around the globe to control and monitor what impact they have on the world. On a planet with human security, pressure is alleviated from governments to send their people to war over security of trade in resources. While I do not claim that this alone is the be all end all of war as we know it, it is a necessary step in the right direction to ensure that at the end of the day, people are safe. Safe people are happy people and they are people who will have more time following their passions and less time doing menial work like flipping burgers. This system will allow people to be curious and ingenuitive, because people have always been that way. In a world of greater automation, systems like these will ensure that humans can still be in the game, and contributing significantly to the knowledge of our planet. We will continue to need government to provide those things that we cannot provide ourselves, but in a free society it should be the mission of government to give those things over to people they can provide for themselves, by integrating them into our daily lives in a way that is sustainable and user friendly.

We need to create solutions that can last, within communities that support them. We can create a better world free of coercion and connect globally at all levels, that includes those who currently sit in positions of power. I will work from my end to help make this a reality. I only ask that those who read this consider working from theirs.

Thank you for your time.

By Cian Westmoreland, Nomad

For Love of Country

The first Veteran’s Day I spent in the military happened in 2005.  I was at Goodfellow AFB in the super (ironically) independent, nationally militaristic, pro-war, anti-humanitarian, Christian state of Texas. Made me proud to be a military member. I was only four months into my service.

A year later, I was finishing up my drone training at Creech AFB, 40 minutes north of the Las Vegas city limits.  I was dealing with a failing relationship, professional drama, and enough personal qualms to not really appreciate the appreciation for my service. Some of my former peers had gone out in uniform to get their pats on the head like good boys and girls, eager to sit down in a fancy restaurant for a free meal.  I stayed home and read a book.

Three weeks later, I watched as an American Convoy hit an IED.  As far as I knew, all the people inside the vehicle had been killed. Those Veterans were not coming home in anything but coffins with an American Flag draped over to honor their sacrifice for their country.

But for what did they die?

Every year, on Veteran’s Day, I think about those soldiers.  I think about their families. Their possible futures.  Their alternate realities if we had not created this mess of a war.

I not only think of American Veterans, I spend time reflecting on the losses that our allies have suffered.  Our enemies.

I mourn at the destruction we have created for profit at the expense of my generation and the next. Yet as a country we excuse war so long as none of our brave soldiers come home in a casket. Our politicians tout drone warfare as “not putting American lives in danger.” That “we are killing the enemy before they can kill us.” Rationale of that sort states with no other meaning: violence is okay, peace is not an option when we are safe, and American lives are worth more than any others.

We refuse to think of the inverse as possible because of our exceptionality. When confronted with a Red Dawn imaginary scenario we respond in a violent manner for the defense of our people and land not realizing the irony of our reality as that invading force.

Our consumerist mentality has turned a solemn, sacred day of humbling ourselves in the horrific reality that we send our sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, husbands, and wives to war, killing in our name.  The more comfortable we are with our lives, the less we value those that suffer.

It is time we change this.  Over the next year we will be facing some very real pains.  Those freedoms that our soldiers have spilt unknowable amounts of blood to protect are slowly being taken away.  It is time that we take responsibility for our actions, as a people, a country, humanity as a whole.  It is time we truly love our enemies outside of the plague that has become our Sunday school Christian mentality.

This time we do it for real.

I’m not saying that it will be easy.  Nothing is easy. Being spiteful, hateful, cynical is easy because it allows you to respond in kind to all the negativity that pervades our world.  And if you don’t trust in our world, trust in me.  Trust that there are human beings fighting to keep back the darkness.  Trust that first step and join us in creating a better world.

All our hands are red in blood and misery. I believe it is time we wash them clean.

Written by Brandon Bryant

PTSD and Suicide Among Veterans

Tuesday, November 11th is Veterans Day. It’s a day to reflect upon those who have served our country. Not to be confused with Memorial Day. This is a day where many stores and restaurants offer up free meals or appetizers to those with a military ID card to thank those who have served or are serving. But this isn’t really a way of helping veterans even though it is a nice gesture. What if I told you we could actually help vets returning from war? What if I told you more and more veterans returning from war and being diagnosed with PTSD, or may have PTSD but aren’t seeking help for it? If you’re able to find it, Pivot is airing a documentary about PTSD on 11 November titled That Which I Love Destroys Me. I haven’t seen it, but will try to find it.

PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is something that seriously needs greater attention. The American Psychological Association (APA) refers to PTSD as “an anxiety problem that develops in some people after extremely traumatic events, such as combat, crime, an accident or natural disaster,” . War isn’t the only traumatic experience that would give someone PTSD. It’s normal to feel afraid when in danger. This is generally when your fight-or-flight response kicks in to either prepare to defend against the danger, or avoid it . Back in 1980, the APA added PTSD to it’s third edition of it’s Diagnostic  and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) and trauma was considered something as a catastrophic stressor beyond the normal realm of usual human experience. Such catastrophic stressors considered were war, torture, rape, natural disasters, Nazi Holocaust which are very different from stressors like divorce, failure, or even a serious illness .

I’m not writing this to inform you what PTSD is, but rather writing this to show the lack of care the military seems to have for those returning home from war that have been diagnosed with PTSD. Let’s look at some numbers. Back in 2012 the government spent around $3 billion to treat veterans with PTSD and $294 million on service members and they have no evidence to show it’s working. It has been estimated that somewhere between 7-20% of veterans of recent wars have suffered from PTSD at some point. Oregon did a study and found that male veterans aged 18 years to 24 years old had a suicide rate eight times higher than citizens in the same age group. There is a correlation although not 100% of the time, that those with PTSD commit suicide while not every suicide is PTSD related.

The U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs showed that OIF/OEF veterans diagnosed with PTSD has been a risk factor for suicidal ideation. While I’ve seen reports upwards of 30 veterans a day commit suicide, the VA reports an estimated 22 veterans a day commit suicide. There are triggers that those diagnosed with PTSD get that may cause them to commit suicide. Some of these include night terrors and flashbacks. What if I told you that many may actually value human life and that’s why they may have developed PTSD to begin with, because they took another human life? This is very different from someone who is a psychopath or serial killer as they do not value human life, they don’t have that ability to do so and therefore are unaffected by taking lives. While many return, there are some that transition to civilian life while others do remain active duty or guard/reservists. Not enough is being done to help them transition back to the states after being at war. Military members spend months training and preparing to deploy but the same care is not spent on members coming back. When I came back from a deployment, I had two meetings with the mental health clinic. Two…that’s it. They asked me some standard questions and sent me on my way. Six months later I was back for round two of the same questions. It’s very easy to lie. Luckily for me, while I did spend time on a base that was getting attacked, I felt I came back unscathed. Nothing was ever really truly close enough to make me feel like I was in danger with the exception of some overhead rockets as I stumbled out of my hut in a half asleep stumble to the restroom.

The point is this. Our military members need to know people are there to help them even if the Department of Veteran Affairs severely lacks in this ability. There are programs out there for those whether they are remaining in service or transitioning to civilian life. I stumbled across Operation:  I.V. in writing this article (operationiv.org). I understand some are afraid to reach out due to having the stigma of a mental disorder so they’d rather keep quiet. Please know this, if someone discusses suicide, please do not leave their side. Seek immediate medical help or call 911. The VA does have a 24/7 hotline (1-800-273-8255, opt. 1), and a website to reach out. If you know someone who may be experiencing PTSD like symptoms, please encourage them to seek help. Let’s take care of our vets the way they do for us overseas whether or not you agree with the war.

Written by The Doctor

Conscientious Objector Status

Editor’s Note: This is Space Man’s official application for Conscientious Objector status. While in this process currently, he has been told that he may be the first US Marine Corps Officer since the Vietnam War to apply.

Training and Belief

a. A description of the nature of the belief which requires the applicant to seek separation from the Marine Corps or assignment to noncombatant training and duty for reasons of conscience.

1) I don’t believe that humans should be killing other humans. The idea that humans from one arbitrary piece of land they were born on should kill people from a different arbitrary piece of land they were born on, solely because the humans in charge of a particular piece of land decided the other humans had to die, seems ridiculous. I don’t believe that there are inherently evil people, so I don’t believe there could ever be a group of people that we could declare war on with every member “evil” and deserving death. I believe that evil people do not exist, and that no one is born evil. I believe that everyone is born a blank slate, or maybe even that they are born good. I’ve never met an evil baby.

I believe all people are products of their childhood and the experiences they acquire as they grow up. How you process your own history and experiences creates who you are. Some people process their experiences in healthy ways, but some are not so fortunate. Where you grow up, who your parents are, resources available to you, etc., have a lot to do with your ability to process these experiences. None of these are under your control. Through reading and personal experience I’ve seen how childhood trauma, sometimes going for decades untreated, can affect a person and turn them into something they are not.

I believe the vast majority of the troops who make up militaries in foreign countries join for the pay and steady, reliable work, much like American service members. That doesn’t sound like evil behavior, it sounds normal and familiar. The demonizing we do of other countries and militaries allows us to rationalize and moralize our own perceived need to make war and kill. Again, these foreign men and women are men and women just like you and me. They have fathers, mothers, brothers and children who they love, who love them, and who would mourn their death. These foreigners have done nothing personal to harm me or offend me; their only fault is being born in a different country. As such I have no more cause to harm them than I do someone from Pennsylvania or Canada. States, countries, continents: all arbitrary lines put on maps out of convenience by human beings hundreds or thousands of years ago. And these lines are used as excuses to kill one another.

I believe that violence begets violence. Our involvement in the Gulf War of the early 90’s brought about Osama bin Laden’s 9/11 attacks. American presence in the Muslim holy land of Saudi Arabia so angered bin Laden that he used Al Qaeda to bomb, and eventually destroy the Twin Towers killing thousands in the process. His act created hatred in the hearts of Americans, precipitating an invasion of Afghanistan, and then Iraq, both of which turned into decade-long wars. These wars continue through the present day, and what gains we made in the past we watch evaporate now before our eyes. We mourn for the lives of our soldiers lost, but this loss is made all the more painful when it seems that their lives may have been given in vain. For every American soldier dead, over 25 non-combatants perished. What do we add on the other side of the scale to balance out all these deaths? Nothing can even the scales, least of all more violence or war.

I believe that we are all one, and that every person is part of a whole. We are all human beings, that fact alone ought to be enough for global solidarity. We should not harm or kill each other, for when someone hurts another, he is also hurting himself. The soldier who maims or kills the enemy damages his own psyche; only sociopaths kill with no ill effects. Psychologically healthy individuals suffer greatly when exposed to the stressors of war and forced to kill. They kill or harm others and they feel bad; this is an unavoidable part of being human. When soldiers return home, the distraction of combat is no longer present, and all at once they are forced to cope with their injuries. They are confronted with painful memories of friends they have lost, tormented by physical ailments that have befallen them, and disturbed by things they have seen or done. They may start having suicidal ideations, or suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whatever problems they experience never stay localized to themselves, and like drops in a pond the ripples spread to their family and friends. They create discord with loved ones that can manifest in domestic abuse, alcoholism, or drug abuse. In making war, I believe we make all of humanity sick. “The problem with the world is that we draw our family circle too small.” – Mother Teresa.
The great tragedy is that humans have gone to great lengths to try and rationalize our need for war. We have created things like Just War theory to absolve ourselves of guilt, but a war declaration, no matter how “just”, is nothing more than a failure. It is a failure to resolve an issue peacefully, and it is a sign that there was no true peace before the declaration. War does not come from peace, it comes from tumult. To say that wars are fought to reestablish peace is therefore a farce. More accurate would be to say that wars are fought to reestablish non-war. There was no peace before WWII and there was no peace before the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. There was no war, but there was also no peace. Giving in to war is the easy way out; the hard thing would be to abstain from war altogether.
We’re all human. And in the end, weapons do not discriminate between combatants and non-combatants, humans do. But humans make mistakes, and as a result many innocents die. Children are buried under rubble, families are torn apart, wedding processions are annihilated, and livelihoods are destroyed with the press of a button or the pull of a trigger. These are tragedies, but they are only one side of the coin. On the other side are the living, breathing, thinking, feeling soldiers who accidentally kill innocent people. They must forever live with these costly mistakes, and will probably struggle with them for the rest of their lives. How, then, would you weigh these innocent lives lost with the possibility of victory in war? How much does a child weigh on the scale of war? A mother? Cousin? Father? Do they weigh more, the same, or less? Who makes that decision? I don’t believe that any human on this earth could possibly make such a decision accurately, or that an answer even exists.

b. An explanation as to how the applicant’s beliefs changed or developed, to include an explanation as to what factors (how, when, and from whom or from what source training received and belief acquired) caused the change in or development of conscientious objection beliefs.

1) When I first arrived at my unit in late February 2013, I was confused. In six years of training through NROTC, OCS, TBS, and MOS school I was promised that officers and SNCOs in the fleet would be the standard of morality, physical fitness, and courage. This is not what I found. The biggest problem was some officers and SNCOs had seemingly lost the ability to put themselves in others’ shoes. Specifically, I recall being made to feel in the wrong when correcting a superior officer’s pronunciation of my last name, after having already done so on two separate occasions. I’ve also known an officer who sought out prostitutes and drove drunk frequently, all the while showing up to work and wearing the mask of a morally superior individual. The thought struck me that if we as leaders don’t even have empathy for our own Marines, can’t even hold ourselves to simple moral standards, how can we possibly be expected to have empathy for someone in another military? Empathy and adherence to morality are necessary to make decisions involving killing, or else nothing would prevent us from killing anyone who did us wrong. These officers who so lacked moral structure would be the ones who would make the decision of who would live and who would die; which members of another military were to survive or perish. I was terrified. I didn’t see how they could possibly make the right choice, or if there was even a right choice to be made.

The idea that humans, let alone Marine officers and SNCOs, were incapable of choosing who would live or die continued to bother me through May of 2013. I started reading psychology books to satisfy my need for deeper thought and spiritual satisfaction, and to help me understand what I was thinking. I read books on existentialism like The Discovery of Being: Writings in Existential Psychology by Rollo May and books on psychology like Love’s Executioner and The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom. These helped open my eyes to the fact that our existence is an incredible gift. Taken for granted is the fact that we exist, that we are here. But we could just as easily not exist, and for billions of years we didn’t. This existence is fleeting, and even our own lives aren’t promised to us. Soon we will no longer exist, and this too will last billions of years stretching to infinity. The only thing we are guaranteed in life is death. I began to wonder what truly mattered. I finally saw how amazing it is to be alive, and how amazing it is to share the experience with other humans. Everything our body does, all the technology we have, science, biology, history; all of it is so incomprehensibly wonderful, and we get to share it with others. If our existence is such a beautiful, short gift, to what end should we be dedicating our energies? It seemed to me less and less that our purpose on earth should at any point be to kill other human beings, regardless of what they had done or where they were from.
In July of 2013 I watched a PBS documentary on the life and teachings of Buddha called “The Buddha”. At the time, I didn’t watch PBS or any other informational channel for pleasure; I tuned into the show because nothing else was on and I was tired of playing video games. Aside from previously knowing that Buddhism existed, this was to be my first real introduction into Buddhist philosophy. The documentary gripped me, and it introduced me to the idea that violence begets violence. That concept stuck with me, though I didn’t fully understand it at the time. That same week I read What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula because I was so intrigued by the ideas I had learned from “The Buddha”. I was surprised to find that I agreed with many of the Buddha’s teachings, especially those on equality regardless of sex, religion, race, etc. His teachings were centuries ahead of their time, as evidenced by America’s, and the world’s, continual struggle with equality. I followed that book several months later with The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire and The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra, both of which solidified the importance of non-harming and peace, and accelerated my journey of spiritual growth.

Since fall of 2010 I have seen a therapist at least monthly, sometimes weekly. I started attending therapy as a senior in college to help me cope with a break up from a three year relationship. Since then I have learned that therapy is an amazing tool for personal growth. It has helped me rebuild my self-esteem, mend a broken relationship with my mother, and given me tools to better deal with alcoholic friends, family members, and coworkers. I first started seeing my Oahu therapist in March of 2013. In September 2013, with my therapist’s help, I was able to recognize that I had deep-rooted insecurities when it came to feeling bullied. Whether by officers who outranked me, my peers, or even my subordinates, being bullied sent me spiraling and turned me into a nasty person. I didn’t know it, but my response to being bullied was to bully back. I would dehumanize whoever had hurt me by labeling them a bully, which in my mind meant they had no right to be treated fairly. I made them my enemy, and in doing so I treated them the way I felt they had treated me. My therapist helped me see that by victimizing myself and dehumanizing them, I was becoming the very bully I so hated. When my eyes finally opened to this horrible cycle of pain and abuse, I was able to have empathy for my bullies. I realized that they did not bully me because I deserved it. They bullied me because something in their lives caused them so much suffering that they had no other way to express their frustration but by treating others poorly. Seeing this allowed me to feel for them and treat them not as an enemy, but as human beings with complex problems and issues just like me. I realized that I bullied them for the same reasons they bullied me, and that I had the power to end the cycle. After this epiphany, I finally understood the meaning behind “violence begets violence”.

In October of 2013 I began to recognize that my closest friend was an alcoholic. Because of what I had learned through therapy, I was able to identify his abusive behaviors towards both me and his live-in girlfriend. I tried to fix the situation at first, but eventually I realized it could not be fixed, was beyond my control, and I had to focus on healing myself. After spending much of the holiday season worrying about my best friend and his girlfriend and what to do, I developed an aversion to alcohol. I’d seen family members, my friend, and coworkers ruin their lives with alcohol, and I could no longer enjoy something I had sometimes spent all day looking forward to. I took my last drink on January 9, 2014. When I finally spoke to my mother about what was going on, she suggested I try attending an Al-Anon meeting, having been a member herself in the early 90’s. Al-Anon is a support group built around the same twelve step program as AA, except Al-Anon exists to support the friends, family, and coworkers of alcoholics. I loved the group immediately and have attended well over ten sessions since February 2014. I love the group so much that I volunteered to be group leader for every meeting in June 2014.

Once the relationship with my alcoholic friend had been put into perspective, I again directed my efforts toward consciousness expansion. In February of 2014 I read the pamphlet War is a Racket by Smedley Butler. I was intrigued by the fact that one of the Marine Corps’ most venerated heroes wrote something so anti-war. My interest was further piqued by the fact that the Marie Corps omits this part of his history. Through education I received during my Marine Corps indoctrination, I knew Butler had been awarded two Medals of Honor for his heroic achievements in the Banana Wars, WWI, and many other engagements. Yet I didn’t learn of his anti-war efforts until I did my own research. Written after he left the military and shortly before the advent of WWII, his pamphlet is an argument against war on the basis that it’s an illegal scheme for making money; a manipulation of patriotism in which the poor die and the rich become the mega-rich. The following quote from Butler sums the pamphlet up best: “War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.” I could not agree more with this statement.

Another quote that caught my attention was his prediction regarding the impact of US maneuvers in the Pacific theater: “Then, incidentally, they announce maneuvers in the Pacific…The Japanese, a proud people, of course will be pleased beyond expression to see the United States fleet so close to Nippon’s shores. Even as pleased as would be the residents of California were they to dimly discern, through the morning mist, the Japanese fleet playing at war games off Los Angeles.” Butler did not live to see the attack on Pearl Harbor, but he knew it was coming. Passive aggression did not go unnoticed by the Japanese, and while America’s maneuvers in the Pacific may not be the sole reason for the attack on Pearl Harbor, Butler’s cynicism was certainly warranted. I believe that war is never unprovoked, and as Butler points out we did indeed provoke the Japanese. There are too many shocking quotes like the ones above from War is a Racket for me to pick any more to share. The fact that Butler’s observations from eighty years ago are still so accurate speaks to the unchanging nature of war; it is and always has been wrong.

My idea of “enemy” shattered on March 8, 2014. While browsing the internet I stumbled across enclosure (7), a picture of young Osama bin Laden vacationing in Sweden with his family. Second from the right wearing a green shirt, he’s just a 15 year old boy posing for a picture with his mother, father, and other family members. He’s a smiling, young kid enjoying what was probably a fun family vacation. I’ve been in pictures like that, and I too have had fun family vacations. I knew then, on March 8, that if Osama bin Laden was capable of having a happy childhood vacation that he could not be the evil demon I had been trained to hate. Demons don’t have families, laugh, or smile, and they certainly don’t go on vacation. I started feeling compassion for him, and a great deal of pity. I wondered what happened to him that turned him into the angry, twisted man he became. He looked to be such a happy child, yet he died a man with the blood of thousands on his hands. I felt so sad for that child. Once I felt compassion for Osama bin Laden, the anger and hatred I had held for so long in my heart dissipated and was replaced by love for the young man in that picture.

The next book I read challenged my newfound compassion and forced me to take a serious look at my integrity and authenticity. In April of 2014, while participating in an exercise in South Korea, I read The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. The four agreements themselves are 1. Be impeccable with your word, 2. Don’t take anything personally, 3. Don’t make assumptions, 4. Always do your best. The first agreement struck hard at my integrity, because I realized in being a Marine Officer I was not being impeccable with my word. Showing up to work every day and not speaking out for peace was a lie. Every day I went to work and I lied about who I truly was inside, which was making me radically unhappy. The saying goes “Every Marine a rifleman”, and I no longer was. The second agreement deepened my empathy for others. It showed me, even more than my readings on psychology had, that nothing people do to you is personal. “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.” After reading this I focused on extending my compassion to all. I felt compassion for the superior officer who treated me and my Marines with less respect than we deserved, for the co-worker whose views on the LGBT community I found totally abhorrent, and then even for the “enemy” I had been so conditioned to hate. My eyes opened to the fact that I have no idea what my enemy has lived through. We make assumptions (violating the third agreement) that the enemy, whoever we perceive that to be, hates us (violating the second agreement) and always has. We are made to believe the enemy was born evil, lives evil, and must therefore die evilly. How could we possibly know any of that is true? Especially when we never ask?
The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield took me on the last leg of my journey. Kornfield is a clinical psychologist, meditation teacher, and former Buddhist monk. In the book he asks the reader to do meditations on loving kindness and work through restructuring thinking processes to deepen empathy for all sentient beings. Many times he brings up this practice of holding friends, family, coworkers, and even enemies in loving kindness. After trying it, I realized that my ideas of enemy, friend, and family were all contrived. I had placed people in arbitrary categories and assigned certain emotions to certain people based on those categories. I realized that I could love my enemies just as much as I loved family and friends. I watched as my enemies disappeared and instead became people I loved, people I had the most empathy for. I remember a time when I felt hurt inside, like my guts were constantly twisted in knots. And I remember when I lashed out and hurt those I hated, as well as those I loved, because I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions. It was never their fault that I lashed out; it was always my own pain and insecurity that caused me to hurt them. Sometimes it was due to simple ignorance on my part, which was still my problem and not theirs. Whenever someone hurts me all I can think of is how much pain they themselves must be in, because I’ve been there. I try to hold them in loving kindness to empathize with them. But I’m not perfect, and I sometimes catch myself in negative loops where I begin to dehumanize the person I’m unhappy with. Then I soothe myself by repeating “They are just like me” in my head. This reminds me that everyone has their own problems to deal with, just like I have mine, and we all deal with them differently.

I truly have no enemies, and not the Marine Corps, President, or my parents can tell me differently. We’re all here living the only life we’ve got, and we’re all trying our best to make it work. Sometimes we do bad things, but that doesn’t mean we are bad people. Some of us are better at dealing with life’s struggles than others, but that doesn’t mean that those who struggle are worth any less. Just as I have empathy for my alcoholic relative who struggles, I have empathy for my supposed enemy. A member of Al Qaeda has been fed lies his whole life, his religion has been used against him to make him hate people he has never met; how sad that is. In some cases, he is convinced to use his life as a weapon to kill hundreds or thousands of others, creating an oozing gash not only in the target country, but in all of humanity. The lies that Al Qaeda members have been told are lies that I, too, have been told. Many, many times I have heard someone claim that God is on our side. If our “enemies” claim the same, then who is right? How would you choose to prove that? I can’t answer these questions, no one can. For me, the only truth that matters is that we’re all human, and equally so.

c. An explanation as to when these beliefs became incompatible with military service, and why.

1) At midnight on May 20, 2014 I woke with a start from a dream that I was floating in the nothingness of space. I was left with a lingering thought from my dream: someday I’m going to be dead. The whole next day I could not shake the feeling of being nothing, that one day my consciousness would disappear. That my existence was incredibly finite. That was the day I decided once and for all that I would file for CO. My life will soon be over, and I can’t spend another second of it pretending to be someone I’m not. I need to spend every remaining moment of my life being authentic. “If we are serious about peace, then we must work for it as ardently, seriously, continuously, carefully, and bravely as we now prepare for war.” – Wendell Berry.

I believe that peace is a cause worth living and dying for. I am not a rifleman, and I will not kill another human being. In doing this job I aid others to train to be more proficient in killing; this directly conflicts with my core beliefs. I cannot dedicate my energies to this job anymore and I choose instead to use my energies for peace. “Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children…This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.” – Dwight Eisenhower.

d. An explanation as to the circumstances, if any, under which the applicant believes in the use of force, and to what extent, under any foreseeable circumstances.

1) There are several definitions of force, but two of the simplest are “strength or energy as an attribute of physical action or movement” and “coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence”. The use of force as described in the first definition is easily justifiable; force can be used to open a jar of pickles, or pry apart a crumpled car to save a helpless victim. I believe the use of force as laid out in the second definition is also justifiable, but only in an extremely limited sense. Using force to coerce others to do, say, or believe what you want, against their will is wrong, breeding anger and hate. I do recognize, however, that there are scenarios in which the use of force may be necessary to save lives. In this case, I believe force may be used to defend those lives. I’m not suggesting deadly force, but only force enough to stop the violence and save lives. All peaceful means must have first been exhausted before this force should even be considered. If employed, it should be used not just to save the lives of the victims, but also the lives of the attackers. As I mentioned before, we are all one and the attacker does just as much harm to himself as he does to his victims.

Abstaining from this use of force is difficult, though, since using force is often the easiest way to get what we want. Far more difficult, and worthwhile, is making the choice to use only peaceful means to resolve a conflict, or convince others of your viewpoint. In the Bible, Jesus allowed his own crucifixion when he could have easily stopped it. This example highlights the enormous impact nonviolence has, especially in the face of great bodily harm or death. Jesus’s message of love has so much power because of his acts of nonviolence, and the cross to which he was nailed has taken on a universal meaning of peace and sacrifice. Martin Luther King and Gandhi also used peaceful and nonviolent methods with great success; they too faced violent opposition. In the struggle for peace and equality, the ends do not justify the means: if the means are not peaceful, then neither will be the ends. Violence begets violence, and I am dedicating my life to breaking that cycle however I can. Filing for CO status is the first step.

e. An explanation as to how the applicant’s daily life style has changed as a result of the applicant’s beliefs, and what future actions are planned to continue to support these beliefs.

1) For as long as I can remember I was an avid video game player. I started playing Doom when I was five years old and have played video games ever since. Since November 2013, however, I have not played any video games. I’ve instead spent my time reading books or watching movies that expand my consciousness and challenge me spiritually. I meditate and exercise frequently, both of which take up a good deal of my personal time. I used to drink a lot too, having several alcoholic drinks during the work week and at least ten on the weekend, usually more. Since January 10, 2014 I have not had any alcohol. To help me better understand alcohol and my new relationship with it, I have been attending Al-Anon since February 2014. At Al-Anon I learned that there were other people like me who had the same problems I did. They showed me such love and kindness at my very first meeting that it felt almost like I had come home, as if they had been waiting for me. The Serenity Prayer, recited at the start of every AA or Al-Anon meeting, is especially powerful: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and wisdom to know the difference”. This prayer helped me so much that on March 13, 2014 I had the first three words, “God grant me” tattooed on my chest, my first tattoo.

Once freed from distractions, e.g. video games and alcohol, I was able to see clearly things that I had not noticed before. Though not part of the community myself, I noticed how under-served Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) Marines were. They had no advocates, and the atmosphere felt only marginally better now than it did two and a half years ago when Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed. Since late February I have been involved in LGBT advocacy, more specifically the official recognition of June as LGBT Pride Month. Through the combined efforts of myself and another lieutenant aboard MCBH, we were able to start dialogue that resulted in official 3d Marine Logistics Group recognition of Pride Month. This struggle, difficult as it was, brought me more joy than anything else I have done in my time as a Marine officer. There is still great inequity in this world, and I understand that mitigating this inequity is a key to lasting peace. “Peace is more than just the absence of war. True peace is justice, true peace is freedom. And true peace dictates the recognition of human rights.” – Ronald Reagan.

Because I have been sober for over five months, I felt and feel acutely all the pain and emotion associated with this change. Using only literature, therapy, and incisive discussions with others, I processed my thoughts and grappled with my changing ideas. As hard as things sometimes were/are and as painful as my epiphanies became and continue to be, I have not numbed myself to ease the discomfort. If I came home from work and felt the urge to drink to take my mind off things, I would instead read or write about what I was feeling. I have spent hours, days, weeks, and months dealing with my thoughts and making sense of who I was becoming. After months of thinking, discussing, reading, and writing I know more about myself now than I ever have. This process is ongoing, though, and I will continue to grow and learn about myself for the rest of my life. I know now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I disagree with war in all its forms. I can no longer serve in an organization made for that end.

f. An explanation as to what in the applicant’s opinion most conspicuously demonstrates the consistency and depth of beliefs which gave rise to the claim.

1) I believe enclosure (8), two e-mails dated almost ten months apart, most conspicuously demonstrates the consistency and depth of my beliefs. The email from April 2013 was sent to the therapist I saw from fall of 2010 to spring of 2011. The second email was sent to my mother. Some of the language used in the first email is crude, and I apologize if I offend; that is certainly not my goal. I chose to leave the coarse language in the first email unedited to demonstrate my increase in compassion, love, and understanding as evidenced in the second email. At the same time, the emails provide an example of the consistency, sincerity, and depth of my beliefs.

Participation in Organizations

a. Information as to whether applicant has ever been a member of any military organization or establishment before entering upon the present of service. If so, the name and address of such organization will be given together with reasons why the applicant became a member.

1) I have never been a member of any other military organization.

b. A statement as to whether applicant is a member of a religious organization or tradition.

1) I am not a member of any religious tradition or organization.

c. A description of applicant’s relationship with and activities in all organizations with which the applicant is or has been affiliated, other than military, political, or labor organizations.

1) I have attended Al-Anon meetings regularly since February 2014.

Enclosure (7) :

Enclosure (8) :

April 13, 2013

Subject: Break out the reading glasses

Yes I got your e-mail! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, believe me not a single week has gone by where I haven’t chastised myself. I was in a pretty agitated state last time I e-mailed you, and that reach out from you kept me sane for a while. Being an “enlightened” individual in the Marine Corps is quite a f***ing experience. Could you imagine a workplace where everybody pretended all the time that they were not only “okay”, but that they were the biggest alpha dog with the biggest swinging lower appendage? Sounds hellish, no? To indirectly quote Viktor Frankl, my will to meaning is pretty frustrated right now. I’ve been able to smooth my ruffled feathers since that last e-mail, though, and have already been seeing a therapist for three weeks. My newfound purpose in life is to help all of humanity see how beautiful it is to be human, and how truly lucky we are to be alive, period. But right now, my goal over the next three years is to somehow fix the Marine Corps. The organization is filled with people who ignore psychological health even more than American society does, and I didn’t know that was possible. The suicide rate is as high as it has ever been, sexual assault/harassment is a constant plague, and basic respect for human dignity is lost on far too many. Any type of moral or ethical training done is strictly of a reactionary nature. If someone calls another Marine a nigger or faggot, we have mandatory Equal Opportunity training. If somebody crosses a sexual boundary, you can bet Sexual Assault Prevention is around the corner. The same goes for Suicide Awareness or any kind of safety issues. And all of this training is conducted en masse with a powerpoint brief aided by a presenter, rather than the other way around. So what to do? I’ve got a job with a billet description that I have to do, and it involves hours upon hours of excel spreadsheets, word documents, pdfs, and how to combine, separate, and convert them. But it doesn’t engage me, and every night I lay awake wondering, “So what to do?” For now, I know the best I can do is live my life as I would have others live. Or as the Corps puts it, “Set the example.” I had a conversation over lunch with a fellow lieutenant today about this stuff, and he was pretty taken aback by it. I think he was put off by my insistence that officers should always live as they would expect their subordinates to live, both at work and at play. In fact I’m almost positive this is the case because I have seen for myself that he does not live this way. Regardless, he told me that I needed to cool it with the seemingly religious fervor, that I had a messianic complex. To him, the most important thing is that the job gets done and that he has relationships with peers, subordinates, and superiors that assist him to that end. I shared with him a true story in which a superior officer was unprofessional and disrespected me, and I told that superior officer exactly that later in the day. My fellow lieutenant was sure that I had done this to make myself feel good, and that I had only told him that story for the same reason. He couldn’t see that I had done it to hold my superior accountable for his actions, just as I would expect a fellow Marine to do for me. The Marine Corps core values are honor, courage, and commitment and according to HQ Marine Corps, part of the definition of honor is holding others accountable for their actions. I don’t see very many people doing that, in fact my fellow lieutenant advised me against it. But if not me, then who? This was probably a confusing vignette, but I swear there’s a point. I’ve heard now from five people, both in and out of the Corps, that I have an extraordinary amount of energy and enthusiasm, and that it will soon fade or I will wear myself out. Or maybe I’ll just get used to the way things are and I’ll understand how things work in the “real world.” I refuse to believe that. I refuse it. Nothing has to be as it is. And nothing worth having in this world came without change. There was a time where women couldn’t vote, blacks were slaves, and gay was a four letter word. Times change, and the present is no exception. I am the change that this world needs, and even if I’m not I’m okay with dedicating myself to that end. It sounds like a messianic complex, I can hear that. But the only change I want is to get people to drop the act. To stop being a Marine, a businesswoman, a professor, a doctor, or a politician and start being a human being. I want desperately for everybody to be able to look across the table at another human and see them for the miracle they are. I want everyone to be amazed not at the way things are, but at the fact that things are. I wish everyone could pretend that they just got back to Earth after a ten year long solo journey around Jupiter and back…how much wonderment they would look at one another with then! To be here, on this beautiful planet, with seven billion other beings like us, how extraordinary! If wanting all that makes me messianic, so be it. But I think humanity deserves it.

February 20, 2014

Subject: Today’s Ruminations

http://www.itv.com/news/2014-02-15/boy-weeps-after-baby-sister-pulled-alive-from-rubble-in-syria/

Sorry to hit you with something so heavy first thing in the morning,
but this has been on my mind for almost a week now. When I first saw the attached picture (see next page) floating around the internet from the above story I fell in love with it. There’s such raw love pictured here, with an infant girl (Ghina) literally clinging to her brother/cousin for dear life. Every time I read through the story and see the pictures in the article I cry. I don’t cry because it’s an incredible story with a happy ending, but because of the senseless nature of the tragedy.

When you watch the video and you hear the rescuers start screaming “Allahu akbar” you know that they’ve found the girl and she’s alive. When I see her arm emerge from the debris is when I really lose it, can’t stop the tears. My brain starts looping the phrase “Why are we doing this to ourselves?” over and over again. I can’t understand. Why? Why? This quote is from Ghina’s uncle about the missile strike “She [Ghina] was covered with around a metre of rubble. We were digging and we heard a voice and we recovered her. We don’t have trucks [bulldozers] to dig and there is a another child aged eight but we could not find her. She is my niece, all the girls here were my nieces…all the neighbours were killed, why? What’s their guilt? Who cares about us? A mother with seven children, what’s her guilt? What did she do? Seven daughters, two get injured and the third we recovered her from here [the rubble] The older one we cannot find her…no one helped us, no rescue.”

He puts to words perfectly the senselessness of the violence and the
frustration I’m feeling.

Over the last couple of days this story has gotten something moving in me. It sounds far fetched and lofty, but let me try it out on you…. I’ve got the message, and I think it will catch on because no one else is saying it. PEACE. It was a huge movement once, but was marginalized because it was created to counter the culture it was a part of. If someone in the national spotlight starts the cry it will be much more difficult to marginalize. People have accepted as a foregone conclusion that peace is impossible, or too difficult a task to even attempt. Wouldn’t it be better to exhaust ourselves in the search for peace than kill ourselves in our seemingly tireless search for conflict? You get my point. I’m gonna try this line of thought out for a while and see where it gets me…

Written by Space Man